


Three Sunnies AU Part 1: One, Two Three, we are the triplets!

by Theweirdslingshot



Series: Three Sunnies AU [1]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Alternate Universe, Babies being feral, Gen, Hope you like this, Other, Rugrats but with arson, Three Sunnies AU, Three babies vs an evil guy, chapter 3 was really hard to write no lie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:48:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22322098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theweirdslingshot/pseuds/Theweirdslingshot
Summary: An AU where the Baudelaires all are three little girls who has to fight Count Olaf's treachery.
Relationships: Sunny Baudelaire & Sally Baudelaire, Sunny Baudelaire & Suzy Baudelaire, Sunny Baudelaire & Suzy Baudelaire & Sally Baudelaire, Suzy Baudelaire & Sally Baudelaire
Series: Three Sunnies AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1606726
Comments: 18
Kudos: 10





	1. What happens if you escape your nap

In the first years of our lives, we are what you call "infants" or if you rather prefer, "babies". Then you enter a stage called "toddler", but no one is really quite sure when that stage begins, as it's very different for each child. When you are in this age, you are more fragile and often need help by older and more experienced people. These people are often kinds of guardians for you, and in your young age you get extremly attached to them.

There are many things infants require, and one thing is a lot of sleep. Getting a baby to sleep can be a very easy task, but also a very hard one. You can do it in a lot of ways. Some people are very strict and old fashioned, and uses the method of putting the baby in their crib and then closing the door, leaving the tired cranky baby to scream their lungs out until they fall asleep. Some people are more gentle and prefer to give the baby snuggles and kisses to calm them. There are also people who don't really do much other than sit beside the crib in silence, while the baby closes their eyes and slowly falls asleep, knowing they are watched by someone they trust, unless it's a complete stranger who came into the house to kidnap them.

When this story takes place, it was a very warm day even if the sun wasn't to be seen anywhere. So, the parents of the main characters of this story decided their children, who all were small infants, to sleep in three strollers out in the garden. Normally it could take a while to get three children to go to sleep at once, but today they seemed to fall asleep pretty quickly. Their mother and father smiled, as they walked back into the house to drink some tea.

As soon as the door closed, a small head in the stroller to the left popped up. A young girl, with barely any hair on her head, grinned happily and showed her four teeth. She rocked the stroller next to her.

"Wake!"

The baby next to her lifted her head. This baby looked a lot like the previous, but with more hair on her and far more teeth.

"Out?" the other baby asked.

The first baby nodded, as she climbed over to the second stroller to rock the third one. The third baby slowly sat up. She had not as much hair as the second baby, but more than the first. She smiled with her nine set of teeth.

Now, we can't just call them the first baby, the second baby and the third baby. This was the Baudelaire triplets. Their parents had them in the garden to take an afternoon nap, but these girls didn't want any nap. They wanted to crawl out into the street and explore, and come back just in time for their parents to wake them up. It was harder to do it if they had to nap inside, but out in the garden it was much easier.

The first baby was Sunny Baudelaire. Even if she was born first, she was shorter than both of her sisters. There is something with the oldest ending up being the shortest of the bunch, but Sunny didn't really care at this time. She was wearing a kind of white nightgown who was almost a little too big for her, so it almost dragged behind her when she was crawling out from the stroller and down on the ground.

The second baby was Suzy Baudelaire. She was the tallest of them, and could almost walk, but still had a bit left to go. She was wearing a gray sailor dress with dark purple stripes. Pretty gothic for being in an age where you barely have any opinion on what you're going to wear. But Suzy didn't really care about her dress when she bit a small hole in the fence so she and her sisters could crawl out.

The third and final baby was Sally Baudelaire. She wasn't the tallest nor the shortest, but was the youngest of the triplets. She was not wearing a dress at all, but rather a pink onesie with white stripes, which made it much easier for her move, as her legs could move faster as she was crawling away to hide after biting an innocent man who scared her when she got outside of the fence.

With such different clothings you could think these girls were from different time periods, because it looked like their parents had travelled in time and dressed time in 1920s, 1930s and 2000s baby fashion respectively. But probably they just wanted their daughters to feel like individuals and not like three copies of each other.

Something special with Sunny, Suzy and Sally were that they mostly spoke in a series of unintelligible shrieks. There were some words in their speech, but those were often very out of context. So, when Suzy said:

"Adult!"

She meant something like:

"That man can't see anything! He almost stepped on us!"

With some practise, you could start understand them more and more.

Right now, the three Baudelaires were out on the street and tried to crawl as far into the sidewalk they could. This was because they had noticed strangers, a word which here means "all people who were not their parents", seemed to pay attention to them when they crawled alone on the street, as if they were worried. Well, they had nothing to worry about. There was nothing worrysome with three infants crawling in a line, after escaping from their nap to explore the street.

After a while, they noticed a trolley passing by.

"Rickety?" Sunny asked, which meant something in the lines of "Shall we crawl up on that trolley?"  
"Beach!" Suzy shrieked, which probably meant "Yeah, that takes us to Briny Beach!"

Briny Beach was a place the girls had been to several times. They couldn't do very much there because of their young age, but just seeing the ocean fascinated them and made them calm. They knew for a fact that the trolley would take them there, because trolleys go everywhere in the world.

They crawled onto the trolley with a lot of other people, which could explain why nobody asked who's children it was.

Soon enough, the trolley stopped at Briny Beach. Sally noticed some adults wondered why no one got off besides the three infants, but she just shrugged.

"Cloudy!" Sunny cheered. She was right. The beach was very cloudy, which meant there was no one there to sunbathe. They had the whole beach to themselves.

The young Baudelaire triplets giggled, and decided to race towards a place closer to the water.

"I win!" Sally chuckled.  
"I win!" Sunny protested. She wanted to crawl faster than her sister.

Suzy had stopped crawling, as she decided she suddenly didn't want to race. She instead found a very nice stick on the ground, which she of course started to bite on.

Sunny and Sally started to slowly bite each other, as they realised none of them came won because they stopped pretty much at the same spot. You would think biting each other would hurt, but this was the sisters way of bonding. Besides, they would never bite each other in a way that hurt.

Suzy looked up and saw a figure in the fog.

"Gack!" she exclaimed. This was probably her way of saying "Who the frick is that creepy figure?"  
"Hook!" Sunny suggested, which meant "Maybe it's a pirate!"  
"Yarr!" Sally recited, as it was a little song she came up with, and it meant something like "Yo ho ho and a bottle of yum!"

The girls laughed, as the figure came closer. Soon enough, it was clear who the figure was. It was a man, which the girls recogonized as Mr. Poe, who worked in a bank. The thing they remembered the most about Mr. Poe was that he always coughed, and seemed to not really know how to talk to babies. Which was weird, because the triplets had heard their parents once mentioning that Mr. Poe had two children of his own. Maybe those kids never were babies.

"My god!" Mr. Poe exclaimed as he saw the girls. "Sunshine, Suzette and Salome Baudelaire!"  
"Wha?" Sally said, which meant "That's not our names? Right?"  
"What are you three infants doing all alone on a beach? Has something happened? Where are your parents?"

The girls just stared at him. Mr. Poe sighed.

"Well, I don't see your parents anywhere. And it's my duty as a citizen to bring you safely home. Wow, I who just took a walk!"

Suddenly, a firetruck quickly ran by on the road behind them. Mr. Poe got startled and started to cough violently, making the girls giggle.

"Nothing to worry about." he said, "Come along now, let's take you to my car and give your parents a serious talk!"

He was about to walk away, when he noticed the triplets just sat there.

"Come along, now... hey, come on."

Still nothing. He sighed, as he realised he had to pick them up. It couldn't be too hard? He picked up Sunny, and before he stood up properly he got Suzy too. But Sally was still left. Mr. Poe sighed, and awkwardly tried to pick her up too. He managed, but was on the way to drop all three of them. Luckily, the girls were smart and hung tightly on Poe by biting onto him. Though, Mr. Poe didn't enjoy that as much as they did, and he complained all the way to his car.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow..."

Mr. Poe tried to gently put the girls in his backseat. This was the time where seatbelts in the backseat still weren't a thing, so the girls just had to sit as still as they could while Poe drove them home.

"Nervie." Suzy said, and her sisters understood that as "I am nervous for mother and father to yell at us for running away."  
"Sis." Sunny assured her. Her assurement meant something like "We will face it together."  
"I don't know what you're talking about." Mr. Poe said, and coughed a little. "But please, try to not drool or make a mess on my nice carseats."

Sally smirked at him, and were getting ready to bite on the seats to mock him, but Sunny quickly stopped her.

"Now, your house should be here-" Mr. Poe said, before he stopped.

In front of the car was a big pile of smoke, and what looked like a burned down house.

"Wait here, children. I will be back soon."

Mr. Poe was away for quite some time. The Baudelaire triplets felt like there was something very wrong that happened. This was their home, right? It sure looked like it. So why was it smoke everywhere? Their home never had any smoke!

Finally, Mr. Poe seemed to come back.

"Oh, my poor children." he said, "I... don't know how you could possibly understand all this, but... your parents have perished in a terrible fire."

Sunny, Suzy and Sally just slowly stared at the banker.

"They... are not coming back."  
"Dada?" Sunny asked.  
"Your dada-" Mr. Poe had to stop himself becuase he started to cough. "Your father and mother is... gone. Dead."

The three triplets started to understand. They hadn't really gotten the concept of death, but they understood it was bad. And that they wouldn't see their mommy or daddy anymore. So, they started to cry.

"Easy now..." Mr. Poe said, who was terrible with babies. "We... we will get you to the bank, they'll know what to do. Please, try to not cry to loudly. Oh, what is it?"  
"Idiot!" Sally cried. I don't think you need a translation for that.

Mr. Poe took long breaths.

"Ok, Arthur. Get to the bank. See where these kids should go. The sooner you get there, the faster they stop crying."

The girls heard everything, and decided to cry as loud and as long as they managed, just because they had every right to do so.

But one after another, they started to fall asleep in the car, because they hadn't really taken a nap before. Crying and screaming takes a lot of energy, and eventually they all fell on top of each other and fell asleep.

They had no idea this would only get worse.


	2. Ugh, Olaf appears

"Hey, girls..."

The Baudelaire triplets slowly opened their eyes. They were no longer in the car, but instead on the floor in an office. In front of them stood a woman.

"Mr. Poe didn't know where to put you." the woman explained, "He's trying to find a place for you to stay."  
"Home?" Suzy asked.

The woman took deep breaths.

"Poor, poor children." she whispered. "Girls, my name is Jacquelyn and I am a secretary for Mr. Poe."

The Baudelaire triplets waved slowly at her.

"Here." Jacquelyn said, "You must be hungry. I brought you some raw carrots. I heard you like those."  
"Nam!" Sally shrieked. It was her way of saying "That sounds delicious!"  
"Spying?" Sunny whispered. She meant something like "How did she know we like raw carrots?"

Jacquelyn smiled at them.

"You three are perfect, in the sense that few people understand your baby talk. That is very useful."  
"Yeah!" Sally agreed.

Before anyone could say something more, Mr. Poe stumbled into the office. He coughed violently.

"Children!" he exclaimed, coughing at them, "I was afraid I had to take you home to my place to stay, but I have found you a guardian!"  
"Wha?" Suzy said.  
"A guardian is someone who takes care of you like your parents did."  
"No!" Sally pouted. She wanted her real parents, not a guardian.  
"Yes...?" Poe said confused, and coughed again.

Jacquelyn gave sympathetic looks to the girls.

"Your new guardian is named Count Olaf!" Poe announced.  
"Uh, what?" Jacquelyn spat. "Did I hear right?"  
"I sure hope. Count Olaf is the closest living relative, and it said in the Baudelaire file that in case of fire, the children would be placed with the closest living relative."

Jacquelyn seemed oddly frightened.

"Mr. Poe, i'm offering to take the children to their new guardian."  
"Oh, no!" Poe protested, "I need to take them! I found them on the day their parents died, and so I should leave them!"  
"But Mr. Poe-"  
"No buts! Come along, girls. Say goodbye to my secretary."

The girls wanted to stay and not go away, but they were at the same time curious of this new guardian. So, they waved to Jacquelyn as they crawled out of the office.

As soon as Mr. Poe closed the door, Jacquelyn turned to the phone on her desk.

"Hello? It's me. We have an urgent errand. It's regarding the Baudelaire children. Yes. Yes. Guess where Mr. Poe is taking them. Yes, I tried, but he didn't let me! That's why i'm calling- what? Yes. Oh, no. Thank you."

Sunny, Suzy and Sally sat in the backseat of Mr. Poes car.

"Nice." Sunny said, which meant "I hope that guardian is kind."

Her sisters nodded.

"We're almost there!" Mr. Poe announced, "Now, look at this nice neighbourhood."  
"Small." Sally commented, which meant "We are too short to look how nice it is."

Poe stopped the car, and opened the backseat door.

"Here, now. Don't be shy. Crawl out of the car."

He patiently waited for the three infants to crawl out of his car, instead of helping them to get out like any normal human would do. Sunny and Sally almost tripped head first to the ground, but managed to grab onto the car door.

Poe led them to a small white house with a big garden. Flowers were blooming everywhere, and it looked very wonderful.

"Wonder!" Sally said, and that probably meant "Please say there's a rabbit hole too."  
"Hello!" a woman said. She was carrying grocery bags and on her head wore a wig which was very typical for judges.  
"Good afternoon." Mr. Poe said, "I am here to leave the Baudelaire triplets."  
"Oh, welcome, shalom!" the woman cheered, "You can call me Justice Strauss. Oh, how lovely the childen seem."

The Baudelaires crawled forward and smiled at her.

"Now." Mr. Poe said, "Do you know where Count Olaf lives?"  
"Oh." Justice Strauss said in a kind of scared tone. "He lives... over there."

She pointed at a house on the other side of the road. It was a dark, gloomy and pretty haunted house.

"Beesh." Suzy said, which meant "Let's sleep outside."

As they reached the door to the ugly house, Mr. Poe rang the doorbell. Nobody seemed to open for a while. Mr. Poe was about to ring again, when someone hesitantly opened the door.

"Hello, hello, hello..."

In front of them stood a tall man with a unibrow, a beard that looked like it belonged to a goat, and on his ankle, a tattoo of an eye.

"I am Count Olaf." their new guardian said, "Please, children. Crawl inside."

The Baudelaire girls nodded and crawled into the house.

"Timon." Suzy said, which meant "Talk about in need of renovation."  
Her sisters nodded.  
"I know my house isn't the fanciest." Count Olaf said, "But maybe with the help of the orphan's fortune-"  
"The fortune isn't theirs until they come of age." Mr. Poe explained. Olaf seemed to growl at this.

"Scheme?" Sunny whispered, which probably meant "What's a fortune?"  
"Well, then." Mr. Poe said, "I'm off. I hope you have it fun here, girls. Good luck."  
"Yeet." Sunny said, which was her way of saying goodbye.

Poe waved at them, as the new strange man closed the door in his face.

"Hello, girls." Count Olaf said, "Do you know why you're here?"  
"Orphan?" Suzy suggested.  
"I have no idea what you said." Count Olaf admitted, "But it sounded like 'orphan'. Yes, you're orphans, which means I get to take care of you instead of your mother and father."

The Baudelaire sisters smiled at him, thinking he was going to be like their new father. But then, Count Olaf started to form an unappealing grin.

"You see, my little midgets. The reason why I am your guardian is mainly because of your fortune. Your parents had a lot of money, which will be yours when you reach the age of 18, where you will look much prettier than you do now. But you see, I am planning to take your money, and then I myself will be very rich."  
"Wha?" Sally said. She didn'ts say it because she didn't hear, but instead she literally didn't understand what this Olaf man needed someone elses money for.

Olaf grinned even harder. "I'm telling you this only because you are too young to even understand a thing. Too young to really remember this anyway. That's why i'm planning to raise you to become my minions. My little firestarters. You will be brainwashed to believe you shall serve your father, which is me."

Suddenly, the three Baudelaires started to laugh.

Sunny laughed because she thought Olaf was joking when he said he was their father.

Suzy laughed because she found the word "brainwashed" to be funny.

And Sally laughed because she thought Olaf would let her start fires.

"Yes, laugh all you want." Olaf said, "But you're not going to be laughing for long. Come along upstairs... you must be tired."  
"Napin." Sally said, which was her way of saying "I don't like napping and I am not tired."  
"I don't understand, so let's go upstairs to get you to sleep."  
"No." Sunny said sternly.

Olaf bent down and glared at them with a frightening frown.

"Follow me up the stairs. Now."

The triplets had to admit they were feeling a bit scared by his voice, and decided to go upstairs. After all, they could just pretend to sleep and then escape the room. Slowly but carefully, the three of them crawled up the stairs.

"This is your room." Olaf said, as he opened the door. Inside was a small room with only one bed and a window that was shaped in the same way as the tattoo on his ankle.  
"Crib?" Sally asked, which meant "We can move around a lot in our sleep and may fall out of the bed."  
"Yes, this is your new crib." Olaf said, who didn't understand them. "Now, go to sleep. Since it's your first day here, I want you to be well rested, because tomorrow we will begin our chores."  
"Boring!" Suzy said, which could've meant "We aren't old enough to do chores."  
"As part of living here, you will help around the house, starting early tomorrow. Now, are there any more questions?"

The girls just stared at him, in a kind of awkward way.

"Good." Olaf said, "Now, sleep."

Then, he closed the door.

The sisters looked at the bed in front of them. It was very small, but they could probably fit. But it was pretty high up, and they had to climb. The best way to climb up was using their teeth to lift themselves up, which they did. But, instead of getting higher up, they had managed to put their teeth into the mattress and started to drag it down to the floor.

Realising what they were doing, they let go of their teeth, and the mattress fell with a _thump!_ onto the floor. This was however a good thing. Now, the Baudelaire sisters didn't have to climb up.

"Nighty." Sunny yawned, and cuddled herself under the blanket on the left edge of the mattress. Suzy and Sally yawned too, and crawled under the blanket to find any place they could sleep on the mattress.

The Baudelaire triplets didn't like the idea of sleeping, but when they were tucked into bed, they wanted nothing more.

Soon enough, they would wish more and more for sleep, better food and better living conditions. But for now, all they could hope for was that something good would happen when they woke up.

Oh, if only their hopes were true...


	3. The cursed chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Child abuse

"Wake up, brats."

The three Baudelaire infants sat up and rubbed their eyes. In front of them stood Olaf.

"I told you we would begin early." he said, "Now, there are some people here who- what's smelling so bad?"  
"Diaper." Sunny shrugged.

Because the three Baudelaires were in the age where one doesn't really have all the functions of the body quite developed, they were wearing diapers. When an infant has a bad smelling diaper, someone else, mostly the ones responsible for the infants, takes them to a changing table or in some cases, a towel on the floor, and changes them into a clean one. Diaper changing is positive in the sense that the changer no longer needs to have a bad smell clogging up their noses, and the infant gets to feel clean and fresh, and don't need to worry about getting any bad rashes.

You would think Olaf, who was the one responsible in care of the Baudelaire triplets, would kindly help them change. He did not.

"Ugh, just because this is your room doesn't mean you can stink it up." he complained, "Now, come on down."

The Baudelaire triplets shared an uneasy look, but crawled after him.

Downstairs stood a lot of people who didn't look like anyone the Baudelaires seen before. There was a man with hooks instead of hands, two white faced women, a tall bald man and a person with an indeterminate gender.

"This is my theatre troupe." Olaf explained, "And they will all eat breakfast with me."  
"Is this the orphans you were talking about?" the bald man asked.  
"They look innocent." the first white faced woman said.  
"They don't seem to be capable of anything." the other white faced woman said.  
"And they smell." the person of indeterminate gender added.

Sunny and Suzy hugged each other, feeling a bit scared. But Sally crawled forward.

"Cornflakes?"  
"What did you say?" Olaf asked sternly. "Learn to speak a proper language like the one I am speaking right now."  
"She asked what's for breakfast." the hook-handed man explained. This made Sally and her sisters a bit shocked, because they didn't count with anyone understanding them.

Olaf frowned. "They are not getting any breakfast until they clean themselves up. I will not eat anything around three smelling babies."  
"Uh, I think they will need help..." said the person of interminate gender in an unsure tone.  
"That's not my problem. Come on, let's eat."

Everyone followed Olaf into the kitchen, but both the person of indeterminate gender and the hook-handed man looked back and gave the girls some symphatethic looks.

"Well." Suzy said, which meant "I guess we have to do it ourselves."  
"Rugrats." Sally added, which was her way of saying "We can be independent."  
"Change." Sunny said, that could've meant something like "I need new clothes too, these ones are itchy."

The three girls crawled up the stairs to their room, hoping the stuff they needed was over there. As they entered the door, they noticed there was a box on their mattress.

"Treasure!" Sunny shrieked in a hopeful tone, and opened it. Inside was a note, and some pairs of clothes and clean diapers. The note read:

"We saw you didn't have a suitcase, nor any necessities you need. So you don't get itchy, dirty och get any bad rashes, here's some things for you."

At the end was a drawing of an eye, just like Olaf's tattoo and the window in their room, which the triplets noticed were hanging a little on the edge, as if someone climbed in there and then left. The girls couldn't read, but they knew the clothes and diapers were for them. These things wouldn't fit any other people in the house.

"Princess!" Suzy cheered, and clapped her hands. She meant something like "I found a very pretty dress!"

She held up a dress who were very similar to the one she already wore, except it was completely gray and white. Sunny and Sally dug through the box and found dresses almost identical to the one Suzy took. Except the first dress was instead black and white, and the second was white all the way.

As they fumbled around, trying to take off their clothes to change into the new ones, the door opened. Outside stood the hook-handed man and the person of indeterminate gender.

"The boss says you three should start to do their chores, starting with sweeping the floor in the living room." the hook-handed man informed.

The girls just looked up at them innocently. The hook-handed man seemed to look a little worried for them, so he asked:

"Uh... do you need any help?"  
"Kinda." Suzy said in a quiet voice.  
"I have a little sister." the hook-handed man said, "I think I know how to help you. If you want to."  
"I can help too..." the henchperson of indeterminate gender said.

The sisters shared unsure looks, but then nodded.

I will not begin to explain what tedious tasks Olaf put these infants through. Scrubbing the floor may seem like an easy task, but when you're as small as the Baudelaires, it takes much longer than it would do for someone older. They also had to do things like chop wood in the backyard (and they were not allowed to use their teeth) aswell as taking care of the dishes after Olaf and his crew had eaten.

Speaking of eating, most of the food the girls ate were just leftovers from Olaf and his troupe. Sometimes, one of the henchfolk could be nice enough to give them some food while they crawled under the table. The girls noticed that the people in Olaf's group could be much nicer to them when Olaf wasn't around, even helping them with dressing and changing.

Something a lot of children the Baudelaire triplets age required was a lot of sleep, which was why these children often need naps. The sisters hated naps, but noticed that when Olaf or anyone else had gotten them to get to sleep after lunch, they realised something was odd. Because of their lack of sleep, they started to become incredibly cranky and sleepy, to the point that they almost fainted when the day was over and they finally could go to sleep. Only for Olaf to wake them up as early as he could to force them to start another day full of tedious chores.

This had gone up for a week or so now, probably longer. Sunny, Suzy and Sally were getting really tired at this point. They felt like they had started to become more and more aggressive.

"Roar." Sunny growled. She meant something like "I want to throw a fit."  
"Too." Suzy added, which meant "We all want that."

It was true what Suzy said. All three of the Baudelaire sister really wanted to throw a fit at the horrible man who cared so poorly for them. When you're an infant, it's the only time in your life where you're allowed to throw a fit, because older people tend to believe infants don't know any better. Of course, if an infant throws a fit, the one responsible for them is usually the one trying to calm them down, while everyone else either begs for the infant to shut up or feels bad for the little baby who cries.

The girls had only known Olaf for a short period of time, but they knew he damn well he wouldn't feel bad for them. And if he tried to calm them down, it wouldn't be in a nice way.

But atleast they would try to communicate with him. Maybe they could tell him how they felt without any fighting. Hopefully.

Right now, he ate dinner with is theatre troupe. Maybe, just maybe, it was better telling him when his crew were around. Some of them could understand the girls and help them translate to Olaf.

Carefully, the three Baudelaire sisters crawled inside the dining room.

"I just loved that play." Olaf said, out of context of some conversation they had at the dinner table.

The girls slowly crawled up to him.

"Why do I feel like someone's watching me?" Olaf asked. He then looked nervously around. " _They_ haven't... gotten into my house?"

Then he saw the girls on the floor next to his chair.

"What do you brats want? You can have the leftovers of the roast beef later."  
"Important." Sally said, which meant "We really need to speak with you."

The hook-handed man translated for her.

"Really?" Olaf frowned, "What's so important that you have to interrupt my dinner?"

What followed was a series of words the Baudelaire triplets shrieked, and the hook-handed man later translated for them.

"Tired!" Sunny shrieked.  
"She says she doesn't like to work for so long and not getting any good out of it."  
"Baby!" Suzy shrieked.  
"She says it feels like they don't matter because they are children and you're an adult."  
"Uncare!" Sally shrieked.  
"She says you're an uncaring bastard who has no interest in their well-being."  
"She said what?" Olaf asked.

He stood up, and the girls backed.

"Am _I_ an uncaring bastard?"   
"Yes." Sally said, who wasn't afraid of telling him what she thought, because she knew he rarely understood anything anyway.  
"Careful." Sunny whispered, which meant "My dear sister, he can understand when you say 'yes'. We're screwed."  
"No." Sally said, and both of her siblings gave her a questioning look.  
"Yes or no?" Olaf asked, who didn't really understand anything else besides that.

Sally looked determined.

"Baudelaire." she said sternly. Her sisters understood immediately, and started to look determined too.

What Sally meant with "Baudelaire" is hard to tell, because that word could mean a lot of things. It could mean "My surname is Baudelaire." It could mean "I was destined for a life of disaster." Or, it could mean "I am feral and out of control."

As you probably assumed, it was the third option that Sally meant.

"Why do you all stare at me like that?" Olaf asked.

As he said it, the girls started to scream and attacked him.

Sunny managed to climb onto his head and tried to cover his eyes. Suzy managed to bite his left arm, making him scream in the most high-pitched voice they ever heard. Sally was sitting on his leg, and giggled as it swinged around.

"Get these- _ow!_ kids off- _ow!_ me!" he yelled.

The theatre troupe were far too busy being shocked over what these babies were capable off to really do anything.

Suddenly, the girls got Olaf to the floor. He just sat himself down while the girls continued to bite and climb on him. Sally had stopped to sit on his leg, and started to climb up towards his face. As Olaf saw the little baby crawling on him, he snapped.

Within a second, Olaf had grabbed Sally with both of his arms, making Suzy lose grip and just sit next to him on the floor without grabbing anything. He then hesitantly stood up, making Sunny, who still climbed is back, also lose grip and fall to the ground. Luckily it wasn't a high fall, but she did get a bit shocked from it.

But Sally didn't lose her grip. This was mainly because Count Olaf held her tightly, and violently. He held her as high as he could up in the air, which made her frightened.

"Oh, little baby is scared now?" Olaf said with a teasing voice. Sally, aswell as her sisters, were in too much shock to attack or bite Olaf.

Sally really was scared now. She just wanted comfort, and to be rocked into a bed with a lullaby.

"M-Mama!" she screamed, and started to form tears.

There was a silence in the room. Olaf just looked angrier and angrier.

"Your mama is not here." he said slowly in a dark voice. "Don't you realise? She is dead... your parents are _dead!_ "

He suddenly started to scream, and almost shaked her as he held her up in the air.

"You think you can mess with me, little one? You think you're more clever than me? Well, guess what! You're worthless! You're just a tiny whiny baby who can't do _shit_! And it's really time you learn what will happen to those who misbehave in my house!"

After he said that, he violently threw Sally across the room.

There was a large _thump!_ echoing from across the room. The theatre troupe finally started to get back their consiousness from the shock, and they stood up to see where Sally landed, and to see if she was okay.

They suddenly heard a loud cry coming from a baby, and it wasn't coming from Sunny or Suzy, who still were paralyzed of what just happened. The person of indeterminate gender ran towards the scream, and slowly picked up little Sally.

"Schh..." they said, and started to look for bruises. There was a giant bruise on Sallys forehead, aswell as on her right arm, but they couldn't find anything more.

"She landed in the pot of flowers." they explained, pointing at the flowerpot with dead flowers, who had tipped over. Sally was also covered in dirt, though it somehow had eased her fall. But she cried, as she had every right to do.

"Sheesh, don't make such a scene." Olaf muttered. He then pointed at Suzy. "You, clean up the flowerpot. And you-" he pointed at Sunny, "Do the dishes. I need to take your sister somewhere where she will learn not to misbehave like this. Hookie, indeteriminate gender person, come with me."

As they slowly walked away with the crying Sally, Suzy and Sunny found themselves to be very, very anxious of what's to come next.


	4. Still child abuse

Sunny dished and dished, and it never seemed to end. She thought that if she finished doing the dishes, she would see both her sisters again. Suzy seemed to be done with cleaning up the flowerpot, because Sunny couldn't hear her anymore. She was on the edge of crying. Everything was wrong.

Suddenly, she heard someone scream.

"Stop, stop, stop!"

And after that, a growling voice.

"Quit complaining, or i'll throw you down the stairs!"

Sunny crawled as fast as she could out towards the hall, and saw Olaf dragging Suzy up the stairs.

"Stop!" Sunny demanded.

Olaf looked at the baby at the end of the stairs, and just smirked.

"Oh, hello Sunshine." he said. "I just want to inform you that you're gonna have to sleep on the couch tonight. Your sisters need to be in different places, as I believe you need a break from each other.

"Sally?" Sunny asked nervously. Suzy nodded, wondering the same thing.  
"Salome is in my secret tower room with hook-man. That's where she's gonna sleep tonight... dangling from the sky."  
"Sall!" Suzy protested, which meant "Her name is Sally and you are the second person to call her Salome."  
"Shush now!" Olaf demanded to Suzy, and dragged her into the sisters bedroom. He then locked the door, making her not being able to get out.

Olaf walked down the stairs and gave Sunny a weird look.

"What are you looking at? Your sister was the one who behaved the best today, so she will sleep in the room. Go sleep on the couch, baby. Don't complain."

Sunny hadn't even made a single baby shriek, so she didn't understand why he was telling her to not complain. But she did have a question. Why was he locking the door? Something was not right. Of course, nothing was right in the first place, but this was an extra layer.

Olaf suddenly lifted her up.

"When I said you should sleep on the couch, I meant you should do it _now_."

Sunny barely, flinched, as she was busy thinking about what was going on. Olaf dropped her on the couch.

"Fall asleep as fast as you can."

He then walked away.

Sunny wasn't going to sleep. She was going to fix this. This certainly did not feel right.

She crawled out of the living room, and out to the backyard. She didn't know why. It just felt like the right thing to do.

It was dark outside, and everything Sunny could see was the moon shining brightly up in the sky. That, and something dangling from the tower Olaf never let the girls go up to. Something... alive. And then she heard it.

"Hepp!"

This was a word Sunny didn't hear someone scream often, but recently she figured it must've been a very good cause for it to be now. The word "Hepp" was a word very similar to what it meant. It simply meant "Help!"

Sunny squinted and even in the dark, she knew who it was who called for help. It was Sally.

"Fireman!" Sunny yelled at the top of her lungs, hoping Sally would hear her. This meant "I will try to get you down, as soon as I find a way to get up there!"  
"Hero!" Sally yelled back, with a hoarse voice. She meant something like "You have to get past the hook-handed man without being caught before you can save me!"

Sunny thought carefully. She needed help. Help by someone who would be willing to help.

Five minute later, after carefully crossing the street, Justice Strauss opened the door.

"Who could that be at this hour?" Justice Strauss asked. Then she looked down, and saw Sunny standing in front of her. "What are you doing here all alone? Has something happened?"

Sunny wanted to tell her everything. She wanted to say that Olaf was a horrible man and had thrown innocent children into the air. She wanted to say that Olaf had forced them to do tedious chores and now he has locked Sally in a cage and Suzy in their bedroom. She wanted to tell Justice Strauss just how miserable she was... but instead, she just started to burst out crying.

"Hey... hey..." Justice Strauss said in a worring tone. She picked Sunny up, as she believed the baby needed comfort.

"Can you show me what's wrong?" Justice Strauss asked, rocking Sunny back and forth.

Sunny whimpered, but nodded. She pointed up in the sky. Justice Strauss looked a bit confused, until she saw a foot sticking out of the silohuette on the cage hanging outside.

"Is that... is that your sister?"

Sunny nodded.

"I have to call Mr. Poe! The police! Everyone! Come on, sweetie."

Justice Strauss called Mr. Poe, who was very grumpy and didn't want to come. He finally agreed, but swore Justice Strauss would pay if she lied. After that, Justice Strauss carried Sunny and knocked on Olaf's door.

"What do you want?" Olaf asked.  
"I heard screaming." Justice Strauss explained, "And I have called the authorities."  
"I see you found one of my children. Let me have her."  
"Count Olaf, what's going on in this house?"

Sunny gestured to Justice Strauss that she wanted to get down, and since Justice Strauss was busy focusing on Count Olaf, she put her down. Sunny crawled into the house, which Count Olaf barely noticed. She guessed he didn't care, since she was supposed to be in the house this whole time. With a glance that none of the adults looked at her, she crawled up the stairs.

Sunny managed to unlock the door to the room she and her sisters slept in by climbing with her teeth up to the doorknob and got the key. She noticed Suzy lied down, but she wasn't sleeping. Instead, Suzy just whimpered.

"Cry?" Sunny asked.

Suzy sat up, and when she saw it was her sister she almost stood up, but fell as she couldn't walk yet.

"Family." Suzy said, which meant "I want to be together with you and Sally and mom and dad."  
"Rescuers." Sunny said, which meant something like "Mom and dad aren't coming back, but we can be with Sally again. Come on."

Up to the tower. Then Sally would be with them again. Sunny and Suzy glanced at Olaf and Justice Strauss, who somehow seemed to still talk. Justice Strauss tried to talk to him and Olaf just ditched the subject.

It seemed to be easy to climb up the stairs to the tower. Almost too easy. The two sisters almost forgot...

"What are you babies doing up here?"

The hook-handed man didn't look angry or scary. He instead looked kind of concerned.

"The boss can't see you here." he said. "He'll kill you! He'll kill _me_!"  
"Cagey." Sunny said. She meant something like "Lock us up too, then."

The Hook-Handed man looked concerned. "What?"  
"Cagey." Suzy repeated, nodding at Sunny.  
"But... I only have one cage."

Sunny and Suzy smiled happily.

Five minutes later, they were sitting in the cage, all three of them. The Baudelaire triplets had been reunited.

"Unay!" Sally said, which meant "I have been so scared. I've missed you."  
"Ily." Suzy whispered. This meant something like "Finally, we're together again."

The girls hugged each other, and noticed that the cage started to swing. It was probably not meant for three babies.

"Bite?" Sunny suggested.  
"Tried." Sally sighed, which meant "No matter how much I bite, i'm still stuck."  
"Helpya!" Suzy said, and immediately started to bite on the cage. Sally and Sunny smiled and started to bite too.

While the girls were biting, Mr. Poe came to the house.

"Justice Strauss!" he said, "Count Olaf!"  
"Thank you for coming so quickly, mr. Poe." Justice Strauss said.  
"You better be telling the truth, because I have banking hours and I need my sleep."

Olaf grinned.

"Oh, I apologise for Justice Strauss." he said, "She is crazy. She makes things up because she is stressed and lonely."  
"No!" Justice Strauss protested. "This man hurts the children!"  
"Don't wake the children up! They are sleeping right now in three, nice little cribs."

Mr. Poe started to cough.

Meanwhile, the cage started to swing. Adding to that, the girls had managed to break the cage by biting it.

"Esca!" Sally said, which meant "We can climb out!"

Before her sisters could react, Sally managed to crawl out and jump, slowing her fall by gripping her teeth to the wall. Sunny smiled, and did the same thing. When it was Suzy's turn, the cage was on the way of breaking, as it had swinged and barely handled three babies instead of one.

As Suzy jumped, the cage fell to the ground.

_THUMP!_

Mr. Poe let out a high-pitched scream.

"Mother of Zeus, what was that?"   
"Probably someone of the children had a nightmare." Olaf said, "I will go up and comfort them."

Right above the adults, the girls were climbing with their teeth. They didn't see much in the dark, but they did see there were three people on the porch. And they could hear it weren't one of Olaf's henchmen. They decided to take a chance.

Three children caught the adults by suprise. Three children fell from the sky. One got caught by Mr. Poe and two got caught by Justice Strauss.

There was a big silence. Everyone shared looks.

"You see now?" Justice Strauss yelled.

"We can talk about this." Olaf said.  
"No!" Mr. Poe yelled, "No one in the right mind lets three little infants get thrown off the roof!"  
"I didn't know they were on the roof!"  
"More reasons to take them away!" Justice Strauss said.

The three Baudelaires sat in the car. They were tired, but relieved. Mr. Poe gave Olaf a big lecture, and they were leaving. No more evil man throwing children into walls. No more chores they were too small to take care of.

As Mr. Poe went into the car, Justice Strauss gave the girls a sympathethic smile. They wondered why they couldn't live with her. But behind her, Olaf gave them an evil glare, the eyes staring as much as the tatoo on his ankle.

And as the car rolled away, they weren't sure if they were really going to get rid of Olaf that easily...


	5. Meetup at Monty's

The Baudelaire sisters Sunny, Suzy and Sally sat in Mr. Poes car. It was hard to sit completely still, since mr. Poe didn't have any seatbelts in his backseat. Plus, the sisters were very small, as they were infants who hadn't learned to walk yet.

"Don't worry." Mr. Poe said, "You will like this new guardian. He is nothing like Count Olaf, and you will never see that horrible man again. Let's hope you don't remember anything of him."

He then started to cough.

"Oh! What is that smell? Is it coming from anyone of you, girls?"  
"Innocent." Sunny said, which meant "Don't blame all the smell troubles on us, you psychotic banana man."

Suzy and Sally laughed at this. Because of their small age, a lot of people would call their insults "childish" or "dumb", but this was the peak of comedy for the little girls.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourselves." Mr. Poe said, "But don't laugh too much, or you will get saliva on my seats."

Suzy pouted at him and giggled to herself.

"I'm still not sure how little Salome got her bruise on the forehead." Mr. Poe said.

On Sally's forehead, there was still a big bruise from the very unfortunate night where Count Olaf threw her violently across the room.

"Trauma." Sally said, which meant "Count Olaf threw me across the room and I am happy to be so okay, because I could easily have broken all my bones."  
"Wrong!" Suzy protested, which most likely meant "Why does everyone call her Salome? Her name is Sally!"

Poe coughed again.

"Well, I will probably never know what it is, but little children like you easily get hurt. I remember when Edgar was four and-"

The girls didn't care for Mr. Poes story about how his stupid son ran into a wall on purpose. They were more interested in how their new guardian were like, and what that smell came from.

Soon enough they seemed to enter a garden of some sorts. Mr. Poe almost flinched when he noticed the bushes - they were shaped as snakes. But the three Baudelaire sisters didn't flinch. They actually smiled. This looked awesome.

"Alright, don't get frightened." Mr. Poe said, "You should never judge someone based on their bushes... even if they look very realistic..."

He was nervous and coughed like he had a piece of chicken stuck in his throat, but he managed to knock on the front door.

"Hello, hello!" the man who opened the door said. "My name is Dr. Montgomery, but you can call me uncle Monty! Would you care for some coconut cream cake?"

The girls crawled up to him.

"Yum!" Sunny said, which meant "It smells delicious!"  
"Drink?" Suzy asked, which meant "But you aren't gonna poison us with it, right?"  
"Teeth!" Sally announced, which meant "I prefer raw carrots."

Mr. Poe sighed.

"You have to excuse them, they speak in some very unintelligable language."  
"Oh, I understood them perfectly fine." Dr. Montgomery said, "Don't worry, dear. I would never poison anyone. Look, I can eat a slice myself to prove it."

Dr. Montgomery took a big bite of the cake and ate it. After nothing happened, the girls got calm, and smiled at him.

"Well..." Mr. Poe said, "I need to get going. Here's a suitcase with the children's clothes. The only thing Count Olaf provided for them, apparently."

The Baudelaire siblings wanted to explain to him that Olaf didn't gave him those clothes, but a mysterious person who just left it in their room. But they just waved at Mr. Poe, as he was going to drive away.

"Goodbye, Baudelaires! Take care!"

"Well." Dr. Montgomery said, "Hello, girls. I am dr. Montgomery, but you can call me uncle Monty."  
"Uncle." Sally said.  
"Monty." Suzy said.  
"Python!" Sunny giggled.

Uncle Monty smirked.

"You said something there, Sunny. It is you who's Sunny, right?"

Sunny nodded.

"Come along, come along." Uncle Monty ordered, "I need to show you something."

The girls crawled after him into the house, which was filled with pictures of various snakes, lizards and other reptiles. They stopped after they saw a strange door.

"Behind this door..." Uncle Monty explained, "Is my life's work. I only trust a few people to be in here."

The three Baudelaires watched in amazement as the door opened. Inside was a large room with lots, and lots, of cages with every reptile you could imagine. Snakes, lizards, turtles, frogs... it was amazing.

"Awesome!" Sunny exclaimed, which meant "I am truly amazed at this room!"

Suzy crawled next to a frog, who stared right at her. She smiled.

"Allowed?" she asked, which probably meant "Do you allow us to be in here?"  
"I don't only allow!" Monty said, "I encourage you to come here."

Sally clapped her hands in excitement. Then she asked:

"Secret?"

She pointed at a cage with a blanket over it. Monty smiled.

"That, my dear, is my latest discovery."

He threw off the blanket, and the girls observed a black snake crawling around.

"Snakey!" Sunny cheered.  
"I found him on my latest journey. I plan to bring him to the herpetological society. Do you know what I named him?"

The triplets shook their heads. Monty smirked.

"The incredibly deadly viper."

After he said that, the viper attacked the girls.

The girls barely flinched, because the viper just crawled around them and tickled them.

"I'm glad you like him." Monty giggled.  
"Name?" Suzy asked, which meant "He doesn't seem quite deadly."  
"Oh, no! It's one of the most friendliest snakes in the world! It's just a misnomer, to prank the people at the herpetological society."  
"Wicked!" Sunny smirked, which was her way of saying "I hope you get 'em good!"

Uncle Monty laughed slightly.

"Alright, little pumpkins." he said, "What do you say? Do you want to see your room? I was thinking since you are so small you might want to sleep together, and then when you are a little older you would like to... well, you can choose! I have also gotten some clothes for you. They are my old baby clothes, but also some dresses from my sister, who married your fathers brother."  
"Cool." Sally said, which meant "Cool."

The Baudelaire siblings felt like they would enjoy living with their new guardian. Hopefully, they would enjoy it for a long time...


	6. He's back already?

One week had passed, and everything was amazing. The Baudelaire sisters had the time of their lives in the reptile room. They spent almost all their time there, and had over time made some friends with the reptiles.

Sunny really got along with the incredibly deadly viper. Very often, you could notice her crawling around and shouting "Inky!". The viper then came to her and gave her a hug. They most often played tag or hide and seek, and it was really sweet to look at.

Suzy had become friends with multiple reptiles, but her favorites were a lizard and a frog. She just let the lizard crawl on her, or let it crawl on the floor while she followed. The frog was probably more fun than the lizard (but Suzy would never admit it, in case the lizard got hurt), because it made very fun sounds and could jump around. She loved imitating the frog. Even if she could not jump, she could make frog sounds back to it.

Sally's favorite reptile was a tortoise. It didn't do very much really, but that's just what Sally liked. She usually just crawled aside it, helped feeding it or sometimes, if the tortoise felt like it, Sally could ride its back. There was even one time where she fell asleep on the back.

"So, how are my girls doing today?" Uncle Monty asked.  
"Aagh!" Sunny babbled, which meant "I am so pleased I might aswell just speak in baby shrieks."

Monty smiled. "How is that bruise of yours, Sally? Is it disappearing?"  
"Bet." Sally said, which meant "It doesn't hurt anymore."  
"I don't believe Mr. Poe." Monty sighed, "I don't think you just fell. I haven't dared to ask yet, but... Sally, did Olaf do it?"

Sally nodded. Monty looked down on the floor.

"Well, that man is far from you, now. You're safe now. All of you."

As he said that, the doorbell rang.

Monty walked towards to the front door, and opened slowly. In front of him stood a bald man with a long beard.

"Hello!" the man said, "I am Stephano! Your new assistant!"

Monty frowned at him. "I did not ask for a new assistant..."  
"Well, here I am."

The Baudelaire girls crawled up to the front door.

"Oh, are they your children?" Stephano asked.

Sunny, Suzy and Sally glanced at the man in front of them. Without hesitation, they started to growl at him.

"Easy now, girls..." Monty said with a nervous giggle.  
"Tell me, please, why are the children acting like dogs?" Stephano asked.  
"Excuse me, but they have a bad experience with strangers." Monty explained. "Now, girls, what is it?"  
"Olaf." Sunny said, her voice becoming more violent as she said it.  
"What?" Stephano said.  
"Olaf." Suzy growled.  
"What's an Olaf?"  
"Olaf!" Sally exclaimed.

Stephano frowned at them.

"These children keep calling me Olaf!" he protested.

Monty glanced at the man, and frowned.

"Well, you do resemble a man named Olaf..."  
"I do?"  
"Yeah... and also, I once again did not ask after an assistant. I am sorry, but I don't really know if I should let you into my house."

Before Stephano could answer, Uncle Monty slammed the door and locked it.

"My girls..." their uncle said, "Normally I would scold you for growling at strangers, but you had every reason to. I don't know if I trust that man either."  
"Olaf!" Sunny shouted.  
"Well, I am not 100% sure it was Olaf, but it could be. He always liked disguises..."

The triplets nodded.

"Oh well." Monty said, "Let's get you girls off for a nap."

Normally, the Baudelaire sisters would hate to take a nap, but right now they really needed something else to think about. Besides, uncle Monty was really good with putting them to sleep. They felt really safe with him.

As they lied in their cribs, almost sleeping, Suzy sat up for a second.

"Worried?" she asked. This meant something like "Do you think Count Olaf will come back?"  
"Guardi!" Sunny said as she yawned, which meant "Not with uncle Monty around, he won't!"

The girls smiled, and went to sleep.

They woke up very suddenly by a creek from the window.

Sally rubbed her eyes.

"Hello..." whispered a strange voice.  
"Unca?" Sally replied, which meant "Uncle Monty, is that you?"  
"No." the strange voice said, "I am someone who wants a second chance..."

Sally slowly sat up, and tried to get herself to stand by holding onto the crib fence. But as soon as she wobbled herself up, she wanted to go down again. She almost wished she was a newborn baby again, so she couldn't even lift her head and spent her time cozing up in whatever place she was carried to.

"Did I wake you up?" Stephano asked. "I just climbed through the window."

Sally didn't say anything. She was paralyzed. The last time Stephano was this close to her, his name was Count Olaf and he was about to throw her across the room. The bruise on her forehead felt like it was getting bigger.

"Villain!" Suzy screamed. She had woken up properly and saw who was near her sister.

Before Stephano could respond, Suzy let out a large scream.

Their uncle ran into the room.

"Is something wrong- hey, what are you doing in my house?"  
"Here now..." Stephano said, "I was just checking in on the sleeping babies."  
"Ew." Sally said, which meant "That really creepy, stop it."  
"Explain yourself, _Stephano_." Monty said, and let Suzy and Sally out of their cribs.

Suddenly, Stephano started to form tears.

"I just... I just get these... fatherly instincts... when I see infants. I couldn't help it, I-"

Monty looked like he actually felt some sympathy.

"Uhm... hey, Stephano, let's... let's sit down and talk... ok? Girls, you can go to the reptile room and play."

The adults walked out, with a worried Suzy and Sally left. Suddenly, Sunny sat up in her crib and rubbed her eyes.

"Coma?" she asked, which meant "What did I miss?"

After helping Sunny get out of her crib, the three of them crawled out to find their uncle.

"Danger!" Sally said, which meant "Uncle Monty is all alone with Olaf!"

The girls didn't want to think about what Olaf was doing alone with their precious uncle. They had to stop it before it was too late. They didn't care Olaf insisted to be named Stephano now, he was always named Olaf. Everyone could see that.

They crawled at a fast speed through the house, until they almost crashed into a foot.

"Ah, children!" Stephano shrieked.

The Baudelaires became pale and backed slowly.

"Girls..." Uncle Monty said, walking out of the house. "I have spoke with Stephano, and I will let him eat dinner here tonight."  
"No!" Sunny exclaimed.  
"Yes?" Stephano said.  
"Don't worry." Monty said slowly. "It's just for dinner. I promise."

Dinner came. The three Baudelaires sat in three high chairs, waiting for their uncle to finish the food. They were alone with Olaf, who now when Monty wasn't there, decided to speak in his Olaf voice.

"Well, well, well." Olaf whispered, "Looks like you don't get away with me so easily."  
"Laloo." Sally said, which meant "We will stop you!"  
"I have no idea what you are saying."  
"Beekabackabooka." Suzy said, and she meant "I hope your plate of food will be poisoned."

Olaf glared at them, but couldn't say anything because Monty came in with plates of food.

"I made some tortellini!" he announced.  
"Ah, sounds great. Good. Yummy for tummy." Olaf said awkwardly.

The Baudelaires kind of wanted to giggle at that, but they refused to show any signs of happiness towards such a man. It was sad, because that exact sentence was said by their father some months ago. It was the first time the girls were eating something other than baby milk, and their father tried to introduce them to mashed pumpkins. He said "Come on now, Sunny. Open up, Suzy. Look at me, Sally. This mashed pumpkins thing sounds great!" and then he took a spoon of it himself and made a kind of disgusted face, as he said "Mm-hm! Yummy for tummy!"

While their father had done this, their mother just shook her head.

"Wow." she had said, "Wow, this is who I married."

After the dinner, which was very unpleasant, as Olaf just glared at the children while eating his food, Monty decided to put them to bed.

"Stay!" Suzy said, as her uncle prepared to change her into her pajamas. She meant something like "I don't want to leave you alone with that man!"  
"Don't worry." Monty said. "I will take care of everything. We are both adults. And I will make sure he will get home. Tomorrow when you wake up, he will be gone."  
"Trustin?" Sunny asked, which meant "Are you sure?"

Monty lifted her into her crib and tucked her blanket over.

"I am very sure, my little sunshine. Now, get some sleep."  
"Awa!" Sally shrieked, which was her way of saying "I can't sleep!"  
"If you go to sleep now, you will play with all the reptiles tomorrow." Monty said and smiled.  
"Oh." Sally said, and dragged her blanket further up.

Monty gave all three of them goodnight kisses on the forehead, extra carefully on Sallys, and turned the lights off.

"Goodnight, bambinis. All your troubles will be over soon."


	7. Double M is down

That morning, the girls woke up by a frog from the reptile room. It had jumped into Suzy's crib.

"Babbit?" Suzy mumbled, still half sleeping. She meant something like "Little frog, what's wrong?"  
"Unca mon?" Sally yawned, which meant "Where's Uncle Monty?"

The frog jumped out of the crib, indicating for the girls to follow it. They felt a bit worried, so they tried as fast as they could to climb out of their cribs.

The house felt cold and very quiet, and they felt like nothing were as it should've been. Even when it was silent in the house, it was never like this.

"Unca!" Sunny called. No one answered.  
"Obvious!" Suzy said, which meant "Uncle Monty is probably busy in the reptile room!"

With hope, the Baudelaires crawled to the reptile room.

The reptile room was extremly cold. None of the reptiles reacted to the girls coming into the room, which made them very confused. Not even the tortoise lifted its head.

"Inky?" Sunny said, hoping the incredibly deadly viper would greet her. The incredibly deadly viper did not. In fact, it was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, Suzy noticed a hand lying in one of the armchairs in the room. Her eyes grew larger and she almost started to giggle.

"Silly!" she giggled, which in this case meant "Uncle Monty has fallen asleep in the armchair! Silly man!"

Her sisters giggled, and they decided to wake him up.

"Wakie..." Sally whispered, as she took her uncles hand. She immediately let it go, as it was incredibly cold.

Sunny crawled up to the front of the armchair to take a look at uncle Monty. But as she laid her eyes on him, he realised something was terribly wrong. Montgomery Montgomery was all gray in his face, and did not seem to be sleeping. He seemed to not be alive at all.

"Unca!" Sunny called.  
"Monty!" Suzy shrieked.

Sally just started to scream.

"Shit!" a familiar voice exclaimed. "Don't scream so loud."

The Baudelaire triplets turned around and saw to their fright who was behind them.

"Good morning." Count Olaf said.

The Baudelaires were paralysed. They wanted to attack him. But they remembered the last time that happened. Right now, they just wanted him to leave or be rescued by someone to a faraway place where he could never reach them.

"Nothing to say now, eh?" Olaf growled. "Just like your dear uncle. He didn't see the snake poison I injected into him. Too bad."  
"Why?" Suzy asked. This was a question which meant several things. "Why did you kill my uncle? Why are you telling us this? Why are you allowed to be alive?"

Olaf just smirked at them.

"Now, you're all mine, and no one can stop me."  
"Oh, yes we can."

Everyone turned around and gasped. Climbing through the window was someone the Baudelaires had met before.

"Jacquelyn!" Sunny exclaimed.  
"Jacquelyn..." Olaf said. "What causes you to pay the Montgomery house a visit?"  
"I was just passing by." Jacquelyn said, which made Olaf frown.  
"Save!" Sally begged her, which meant "Please, take us from this horrible man."

Jacquelyn took out a harpoon gun and pointed it at Olaf. She then slowly walked towards the phone and started to make a call.

"Hello? This is her. We have lost double M. I will miss him, too. Be here quickly. I'll take them. Yes. I'm pointing a harpoon gun at him right now, he's afraid of those. Don't you know why, those- you know what, even if this horrible man is horrible I don't want him to be reminded of trauma. We all know how bad trauma is. Thank you."

"Double M?" Sunny asked.  
"That's the nickname for Montgomery Montgomery." Jacquelyn explained. "Now, Count Olaf-"

She stopped her tracks to realise Count Olaf wasn't near. In panic, she ran close to the children so he wouldn't take them while no one was watching.

"Kill?" Sunny asked. She meant something like "Is Olaf going to kill us all or are we going to kill him?"  
"Don't worry, children." Jacquelyn whispered, "He won't get far."

The children still felt very unsafe. Olaf could be anywhere. Right now though, they were more scared of him hurting their reptiles than themselves. Sally hoped her beloved tortoise would hide properly. Suzy hoped the lizard and frog she adored had escaped to freedom to be safe. And Sunny just hoped the incredibly deadly viper was somewhere where it could frighten Olaf, making him run away and never come back.

Suddenly, a bunch of men walked into the reptile room.

"Oh good, they are here." Jacquelyn said. "Girls, these men are just getting Monty's body and send away all the reptiles."  
"No!" Sally protested.  
"I'm sorry, but the reptiles are orphans now." Jacquelyn explained. "They need a home. And so do you."

The triplets looked at her suprised.

"That's right." Jacquelyn said, "I'm here to take you to a new home. Mr. Poe has done it twice now, and it has gone terrible. He doesn't know that i'm doing this, and he doesn't have to know. Let's go."  
"Olaf?" Sunny asked.

Jacquelyn sighed. "I know we need to find him, but trust me Baudelaires, I've known him for years. He's left."  
"Donno." Sunny said, which meant "I am not so sure about that."  
"Trust me. Follow me."  
"Stay here!" Suzy demanded.  
"We can't stay here. A friend of mine is coming over later because he has an errand... now, come on."

The Baudelaire siblings looked at Jacquelyn with doubtful faces, but decided to follow her to the car parked outside.

Jacquelyn's car had seatbelts in the backseat, which Mr. Poe didn't had, and the triplets were grateful to finally sit safely in a car without being afraid of falling around.

"Count Olaf will be captured." Jacquelyn assured them, "Trust me."

She made sure the seatbelts were buckled properly, when she noticed the girls were still wearing their pajamases, as they didn't have time or really knew how to change clothes on themselves.

"By the way." she said, "How did you like those dresses my colleague gave you? He wanted to give them personally, but Count Olaf could see him and rip your clothes apart before you got them, so he had to sneak through the window."  
"Cute." Suzy said, which meant "We liked the dresses just fine."  
"Strange." Sally said, which meant "Isn't anyone going to comment how adults climb into windows while we're not seeing?"

Jacquelyn, who didn't really understand baby talk, just smiled.

"You will get changed into your normal clothes later. I got your luggage. Your new guardian will probably also give you some new clothes, I imagine. Now, say goodbye to this house."

Everyone of the sisters looked out of the window.

Sunny saw the incredibly deadly viper crawling into the bushes. As she shrieked "byebye!", she was mostly reffering to it.

Suzy saw how something seemed to be inside the reptile room. Something, or someone, had gotten in there and seemed to walk around confused. She didn't quite see what it was because of her short height, but as she shrieked "sayonara!" it was mostly reffering to it.

Sally only really saw all the snake shaped bushes and the trees around. She felt a little intimidated by the fact that Olaf could pop up behind them if he so wanted to. She was a little happy to leave, now when Olaf could be near. So, that was what she reffered to the most when she shrieked "yeet!".

And so, Jacquelyn started the engine and they drove off.


	8. Babies being treated like babies

"It's not far now." Jacquelyn said. They had been driving for several hours and only stopped once for the girls to get diaper changes, where they also took the time to dress them in normal clothes instead of PJs, which they still wore when they left Monty's.

"Safie?" Sally asked, which in this scenario meant "Will Count Olaf come and ruin everything again?"

Suzy and Sunny wondered the same, but Jacquelyn couldn't answer. Mostly because she couldn't understand baby talk, but also because she wasn't sure when Olaf could show up again. Which was why she was taking the girls to the most fierce and formidable woman she knew.

"This woman will be a perfect guardian for you. She will protect you and teach you everything you need to know."  
"Teach?" Sunny asked. She meant something like "What is it that we need to know?"  
"Her name is Josephine." Jacquelyn continued, "She is very happy to have you, as she lives all alone in her house. Now, there should just be that road up the mountain and then we're there."

The Baudelaires glanced out the window, and saw a pretty depressing town. Every store they passed was gray and seemed to be closed. Almost no one was outside, which made the place feel haunted. Suzy could swear she saw a ghost passing by.

"In the bathing seasons, this place is crowded." Jacquelyn explained, "But now no one is here. I personally like it when less people are around, because some jobs are easier without any witnesses."  
"Eh?" Suzy said, which meant something like "Ok?"

They rode up the mountain, which felt very unsafe. Jacquelyn didn't really seem like a person who cared about safety, but she also seemed like she wanted to keep the children safe.

After a long journey up, where the Baudelaires just sat quietly and hoped they wouldn't die, the car stopped.

"We're here." Jacquelyn said, "Let's get you outside."

Jacquelyn, unlike Mr. Poe, actually helped the infants out of the car. She couldn't carry all three of them, but she lifted them out one by one and carefully placed them on the ground.

"Tan!" Sunny shriked, which was her way of saying "Thank you for helping us out of the car."  
"You're welcome."

Jacquelyn didn't actually understand what Sunny said, but she expected it to be a form of "thank you". She then walked up to the door and rang the doorbell.

Nothing happened. She rang again.

Nothing happened again.

"How strange." Jacquelyn said, "Is the doorbell out of functio-"  
"THE DOORBELL IS OUT OF FUNCTION!" someone said. It came from the voice of the woman who opened the door.

The triplets stared strangely at her.

"Oh." the woman said, "Excuse me. Are you three the Baudelaire children?"  
"Aye aye!" the three Baudelaire children shrieked.  
"Oh, how marvelous to see you. Come in, come in."  
"Aunti?" Suzy asked. What she meant by this was "Are you the fierce and formidable Josephine?"  
"Sweetie." the woman said, "The word 'aunti' is not in a dictionary. I better have to teach you some real words."

Jacquelyn sighed.

"Oh, right. You're a grammar freak."  
"I'm a grammar _enthusiast_ , Jacquelyn!"  
"Jo." Sally said and pointed at the woman. She wanted a confirmation that this was Josephine.  
"Oh, you know my nickname?" the woman asked. "Yes, I am called Jo sometimes, because Josephine is too long for some people."

Sally smiled. She smiled mostly because she now knew for certain this was Josephine and not a random woman whose house Jacquelyn rang the broken doorbell on.

"Well." Josephine said, "You can go now, Jacquelyn. We will be fine."  
"Can't I just see your house?"  
"No! You could trip or accidentally get stitches from blinking!"  
"Uh... in that case, shouldn't you be more concerned for the children to come into your house?"  
"Oh, uh..."

The triplets saw the adults, and shared smirks with each other.

"Delmo." Sunny said, which meant "Crazy aunt Josephine."  
"What do you mean by _delmo_?" Josephine asked harshly, "That isn't a real word either!"

Sunny glared at her and stuck out her tounge.

"Well..." Jacquelyn said, "I better get going. Hey, girls..."

She bent down to the Baudelaires and started to whisper.

"I know Josephine doesn't look like it, but she will protect you. Give her some time. Now... goodbye."  
"Byebye!" Sunny cheered.  
"Sayonara!" Suzy called.  
"Yeet!" Sally shrieked.

As Jacquelyn drove off, Josephine closed the door.

"Well, welcome to my home." she said. "I'm happy to have you here. I have made sure to baby proof the house, so no one will get hurt while being here."  
"Yay." Suzy said in a rather unenthusiastic voice. She of course liked the idea of not getting hurt, but her first impression of Josephine made her feel like Josephine had made it too safe. The only thing to prove this theory was to crawl around the house to see how baby proofed it was.

Suzy crawled towards the stairs, where there was a crib fence over. She slowly poked at it, but as she did, Josephine started to scream.

"No! Sweet Suzette, don't touch that! It could tip over and give your little head a concussion!"

Suzy just stared at her new guardian in confusion.

"What is it?" Josephine asked. "Aren't you Suzette? Did I say the wrong name? Oh, I tried to memorise who was who...oh, but wait. Is it something else? Are you hungry? Are you tired? Do you need a change? Did you get splinters from poking on the crib fence?"

Suddenly, Suzy started to laugh. She didn't even bother correcting her new guardian for calling her Suzette, which was a name she was sure wasn't the name she had. She just laughed, because Josephine sounded really crazy. Sally and Sunny started to laugh too.

"I really don't see what you all are laughing about." Josephine admitted, "You see, I have a long way to go when it comes to raising children."  
"Obvi." Sally said, which meant "Yeah, we have figured."

And so, she and her sisters laughed again. Josephine looked concerned.

"Please, don't laugh too much or you could choke on invisible dust."

A while later, the Baudelaires sat in a playpen which had been placed in their room. Their guardian still felt like the bars around the playpen was too short, but she shrugged it off for this time.

"Alright, girls. I have some gifts that I bought for you."  
"Cool!" Sunny exclaimed. She liked gifts.

Josephine looked excited, as she dug out the presents for them.

"I had no idea of what children play with." she admitted, "I do however know one thing every baby loves..."

She brought out three identical things that made razzling noises.

"It's rattles! Oh, I just know how much babies adore rattles! Here, take them. Give them a try."

The three Baudelaire sisters took a rattle each, and slowly gave them a little shake.

"Nah." Suzy said, which meant "Thanks, we hate them."  
"You're welcome!" Josephine exclaimed happily, as she didn't understand baby talk. Which worked just wonderfully for the Baudelaires.

Later in the day, it was time to eat. Josephine had managed to prepare three high chairs, which had fucking seatbelts inside them.

"I want you to be safe in case the highchair would fall over." she explained, "That's why I also added pillows on the floor, so you don't hit your head."  
"Getahep." Sally mumbled, which meant "Get this woman some help, for crying out loud."  
"I prepared some soup!" Josephine triumphed. "I hope you like it! I will make sure you don't spill anything and burn your little legs!"

She served the soup on three bowls which she placed on each highchair. However, just as the children were about to eat, Josephine stopped them.

"I think I need to show you how to eat with a spoon!"  
"Uh." Sunny said, which translated to "We know how to use a fudging spoon."  
"That's right!" Josephine giggled, "We say 'aah!' when we open up! Very good, Sunshine!"

Sunny may have been an infant, and she could accept a lot because of it. She could accept people she didn't know very well changing her clothes or changing her diaper, because she couldn't do it herself. She could accept being carried, even when she prefered to crawl. She could accept being tucked into a bed to take a nap, even if naps in theory sounded boring. But being fed by someone who talked about how the spoon with food was an airplane, and her mouth being where the airplane would land just made her cringe.

"Open up, baby!" Josephine said in a babyish voice.

Sunny rolled her eyes. Alright. Just for her new guardian. Let's give her a chance. She opened her mouth and Josephine cheerfully fed her with the spoon.

"How do you like it, Sunshine?"  
"Cold." Sunny said.  
"It's cold? Yes, i'm afraid to turn on the stove."

The three Baudelaires shared a look. Yeah, living with aunt Josephine was going to be a real experience.


	9. Grammar and unpleasant suprises

Aunt Josephine was pretty okay as a guardian. The Baudelaires admitted they liked Monty much more, but Josephine tried her best. Even if she treated them like babies, she was still meaning well. Of course, they _were_ babies, but they really felt like they weren't more than helpless creatures who needed protection from everything in Josephines prescence.

They had grown used to her feeding them while talking in a childish tone, calling them "good girls" whenever they didn't fuss during a change and telling them how _tired_ they must be because _they are so small_ and _small children need their nap_. But the one thing they never got used to was riding in a small stroller Josephine had bought. It was a stroller where all three of them sat up next to each other cramped together. It just felt awkward to sit there while every adult in the area stared at them.

Right now, they were sitting in the kitchen and didn't know what to do. Josephine had told them they should be careful crawling around, so the girls didn't really know where they were allowed to go. Suzy glanced at the closed door to a room they had never been in before.

"Hey." she said, which meant "Should be investigate?"  
"Abs!" Sally shrieked. That meant "Sounds like a great idea!"

Without hesitation, the triplets crawled to the door to explore what was inside. They slowly pushed on the door, and to their suprise it opened.

"Wow!" Sally exclaimed, as she saw what was inside.

A pretty large room with shelves of books everywhere, plus a couch and an armchair. But that wasn't the interesting part. The interesting part was the wide window which showed a very clear view of the sea outside. The girls were on their way to crawl up to the window to see better when their guardian screamed.

"No! Get away from there!"

Josephine picked up Sally, but her foot on Suzy's dress and just screamed at Sunny in hope that Sunny would stop because of that.

"My poor little children!" Josephine exclaimed, "Windows are very dangerous! Especially that window! It could break just after standing at this distance!"  
"Irony?" Sunny said, which meant "I think you're protecting us too much."  
"I don't understand what kind of irony you are reffering to, but I am pleased you know that word. Oh, that reminds me. There _is_ something in here you should learn from!"

Josephine walked towards a shelf, still carrying Sally, but in a kind of clumsy way, which in this context meant that Sally was dangling from her guardians right arm and tried to not slip.

"Grammar!" Josephine exclaimed in a high pitched voice.  
"Gram." Sunny repeated.  
"No, grammar."  
"Grama." Suzy tried.  
"No, it's _grammar_!"  
"Forgodssakethengrammar!" Sally shouted. This probably meant something like "I feel uncomfortable hanging on your arm and I believe you can make it less uncomfortable if I manage to say grammar!"

Josephine did indeed lift Sally up to a more comfortable position. She looked proud.

"You said grammar!" she announced proudly. "Though, you also said some unintelligable shrieks, but that's okay."  
"Nes?" Suzy asked, which meant "What do we need grammar for when we can't read or even speak a real language fully?"  
" _Nes_ is not a word." Josephine explained.  
"Nes." Suzy protested.  
"You really do need grammar lessons! Come on, girls. We will start immediately."

She placed Sally down on the couch and lifted the other Baudelaires up there aswell.

"Now." she said, "I will start to teach you about verbs."

It was very hard to learn any verbs to the three small Baudelaire children, since they barely knew what the alphabet was. But Josephine tried either way. She hoped that, with some practise, these girls could atleast spell their own names.

However, after only ten minutes, the Baudelaires had lost all focus and just wanted to bite on the books instead of being teached from them. Josephine herself had a short temper, and so she gave up.

"Alright. I guess we can finish for today. Let's make some lunch."  
"Noco." Sunny said, which meant "Please let it not be cold, I want it to be warm."  
"That is not a real word, and you know it, Sunshine."

Sunny sighed and followed her aunt to the kitchen. Cooking was something that always caught her interest. One of her first memories was lying in a little baby swing while observing her mother preparing something on the stove. It looked... so interesting. Though, Josephine never let anyone go near the stove, not even herself, which always resulted in cold food.

"Oh, golly!" Josehine exclaimed, "I need to buy some more ingredients!"  
"Good!" Suzy shrieked.  
"I don't know if it is good." Josephine said. "It is not good because we have to delay the lunch. Though, it can be good in the sense that buying new ingredients means we will have plenty of food when we're finished. Hop onto the stroller, girls. We will go down to the market."

The Baudelaires groaned. They hated that stroller. They barely fitted in it, it smelled weird, everyone stared at them and they just felt so hopeless when they were seated there and couldn't get out unless someone helped them. Though, they had to admit. It was better to sit in an ugly stroller than sitting in a birdcage in Count Olaf's house.

"Look!" Josephine said, pointing at limes. "Do you girls know what that is?"  
"Limes?" Sunny said.  
"That's right! It is limes! Very good, Sunshine!"  
"Sunny." Sunny corrected.  
"Nicknames." Suzy said to her sisters, which meant something like "I'm starting to believe we are actually named Sunshine, Suzette and Salome. But that would be very weird!"

As Josephine payed for the limes, the Baudelaires glanced around. There weren't many people in the town. Most people there sold fruits and vegetables, and varieties of fish. No other child seemed to be present either, which made the Baudelaires a bit sad. Of course they didn't really have a lot of friends their age, but they remembered one time when their parents took them to a playground. The girls sat in the sandbox and played with the sand, when a child maybe a few months older than them passed by. The child also spoke in a similar baby language, and so they communicated about if you should be allowed to eat sand even if adults say no.

The Baudelaires were so busy remembering this random thing that they almost didn't see who was coming towards them. Josephine had finished paying for the limes and dragged the stroller further down the street. As she did, a man suddenly walked in front of them, making Josephine hesitantly stop the stroller.

"Oh, you gave me a fright!" she exclaimed.  
"Pardon, miss." the man said. "Are you babysitting?"  
"Oh, no. I have custody over these three children."  
"At that young age?"

Josephine seemed to blush. The man bent down to look at the Baudelaires.

"You three look very adorable."

The three girls looked up. It was Sunny who first reacted, when she noticed how the man looked like. He wore a captains hat and wore a sailing uniform. He also had a white beard that looked like it was glued onto him. But he could wear a cow suit and Sunny would still recogonize him.

"Notu!" she exclaimed, which meant "Not you, again!"  
"You have to apologise." Josephine said, "They don't speak proper english. I've tried to teach them, but they are very stubborn."  
"It's completely fine." the man said. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Captain Sham!"

As he said that, the Baudelaire triplets shook their heads.

"Yes, I am." he said. They shook their heads again.

"Girls, don't joke around now." Josephine ordered. "Sorry, Captain Sham. They must be hungry."  
"Yeahweare." Sally said, which meant "Hungry for murder and revenge, yes please."

Captain Sham seemed to giggle at the triplets.

"Well, little infants, if i'm not Captain Sham, who am I?"

Together, the three Baudelaires took a deep breath. And together, they said:

"Olaf."


	10. Olaf is yet again horrible

"Don't say that horrible name!" Josephine cried. "Oh, girls, how can you bring up such a horrible man?"  
"Serious." Sunny said, which meant "That is obviously Count Olaf."  
"I don't know who this Count Omar is." Captain Sham said, "I have lived my entire life on the sea. I even lost my left leg to the lachrymose leeches."

He gestured for them to look at his leg. Count Olaf had a tattoo of an eye on his left ankle, but Captain Shams left ankle was replaced by a wooden leg.

"Oh my godness!" Josephine exclaimed, "That is horrible! I actually lost my husband due to the same cause!"  
"Oh, how tragic!"

The Baudelaires just wanted to attack Captain Sham and bite off his wooden leg, because they knew it was fake. But, they were stuck in this freaking stroller and their aunt wouldn't let them get out of it that easily.

"We should eat brunch sometime." Captain Sham said.  
"Widdershit!" Sally growled. She meant something like "No one wants to eat with you, less be near you."  
"How do you know of Widdershins?" Josephine asked, "Why, there was a drama with my late husbands brother and-"  
"Josephine." Captain Sham said, "How about I pick you up tomorrow, for brunch?"  
"Sure..." Josephine said.

All the way home, the Baudelaires tried to communicate with Josephine. They knew it was Count Olaf in disguise, but Josephine wasn't like their uncle Monty. She didn't listen to them the way he had done. Her not understanding was perfect at first, but now it wasn't perfect at all. As Josephine let the girls out of the stroller and started to prepare for a late lunch, the girls chatted.

"Plothole?" Suzy asked, which meant "Count Olaf said he would pick her up, but how does he know where she lives?"  
"Course." Sally replied, which meant "Obviously he has stalked us and therefore knows where she lives. It doesn't explain why she didn't question him about it, though."  
"Twist!" Sunny exclaimed. This meant "What if Josephine is working with Count Olaf?"

Josephine turned towards the girls.

"I hear you are speaking actual words, but they are very much out of context of each other."  
"Busted!" Sally pouted and pointed at her aunt. She meant "Are you working with Count Olaf or not?"  
"What am I busted for?" Josephine asked, confused.

The girls sighed.

The rest of that day, the Baudelaires were really anxious. They didn't want it to be the next day, because then Olaf would arrive and do horrible things to their aunt Josephine. Of course, brunch is never that horrible, but even the most delightful brunch can be horrible when you're eating with a man like that.

Something the girls also found weird was that Josephine most likely would go to brunch with Olaf alone, which meant they would be left home alone. That wasn't a thing their aunt would normally do, because in the little time they have lived with her she had been very overprotective.

It was now late in the day, and Josephine prepared the kids for bed.

"Aren't you excited for me tomorrow?" she giggled.

The girls shook their heads.

"Well, you are a little young to understand what going on a date really means. It's just going to be him and me..."  
"Yuck." Sunny said.  
"I understand children your age would say something like that to a situation like this. But one day, all three of you will get feelings for boys. And you will know what I talk about."  
"Not." Suzy said, which meant "I am not planning on that."  
"Memory." Sunny mumbled. That could mean a lot of things, but right now it meant "I never said 'yuck' when our parents did something romantic. It's just you I say it to, because you have a horrible taste in men."

Josephine smiled at them. "Goodnight, girls."

The next day, the Baudelaire triplets always gave glances at the door. They didn't really know what time Olaf would knock on the door, but they had to be prepared.

"Seems like you three are more excited than I am!" Josephine commented and pinched the girls cheeks.  
"Oppo." Sally said, which meant "We are the opposite of excited, lady."

Right as she said that, someone knocked on the door.

"Oh! He's here!"

Right as she said that, the three young Baudelaires sat in their highchairs, which meant once again that they couldn't do anything while their enemy arrived.

"Hello, hello, hello." said Captain Sham.  
"You're here early." Josephine said, "I just need to feed the babies, and we can go."  
"I can help you."  
"No!" the three Baudelaires screamed. They did _not_ , under any circumstances, want Count Olaf to help feeding them.  
"Don't mind them, they are shy." Josephine said.

She helped Captain Sham to go inside and take off his coat. The younglings just glared at them with hatred. Of course, they didn't hate their aunt Josephine, but they hated how she trusted Count Olaf in disguise.

"Alright, what are the children eating today?" he asked.  
"Cold mashed potatoes with peas." Josephine replied.  
"Oh, may I add an ingredient?"

He said that while whispering. Josephine shrugged.

"If you believe the children will like it more, then sure."  
"Oh, they will love it..."

Making sure the girls couldn't see, Olaf brought out some kind of spice and sprinkled it in their food. Josephine then served the food to them.

"Unsure." Sunny said, which meant "I am not sure I want to eat."  
"Come on now, open up." Josephine ordered.

Sunny, aswell as her sisters, suddenly felt like they shouldn't eat this all of a sudden. They didn't see what Olaf did with it, but he leaned down over it, so he must've done something. So, they opened up as Josephine fed them all.

And as they had eaten their food, everything went to black.

The three Baudelaire triplets woke up in their cribs.

"Que?" Sully mumbled, which meant "When did we end up here?"  
"Alice?" Sally asked, which basically meant "Did we dream everything?"

They suddenly got startled by thunder outside.

"Jo!" Sally yelled. She meant "Aunt Josephine! Now is the time for you to come and treat us like babies because we are pretty scared by thunder!"

They heard someone walk up the stairs slowly, and got happy as it meant their aunt would lift them out and ask if they had a good nap. But as the steps continued towards their room and the door opened, it was not quite the case.

"Hello, hello, hello." Olaf said, "Did the babies sleep well?"

Suzy started to bite aggressively into her crib fence.

"AAH!" she exclaimed, which in this case meant "What have you done with aunt Josephine?"'  
"I have no idea what you're saying." Olaf admitted, "But if you're looking for your aunt Josephine, then... well, you're too late."

The three Baudelaires gasped. Olaf just smirked and gestured for them to follow. He didn't even help them out of the cribs, which meant they had to climb through them all by themselves. Plus, getting down the stairs.

After about 10 minutes, they had managed to get down to the first floor and into the library with the large window.

"You see?" Olaf said, pointing at the window.

On the window, there was a big human-formed crack in the middle. As if someone jumped out...

"Auntie!" Sunny screamed. She meant "Our aunt can't jump outside the window, unless she wants to die!"  
"Your auntie is dead." Olaf explained. "She committed suicide while you three were sleeping off the sleep drugs I put in your food. She even left a note, look."

He picked up a note, and in a teasing voice started to read it to the girls.

"When you read this, my life will be at its stake..."

The Baudelaires did not listen to the stupid letter. Because they had found something on the back of it... a drawing of some sort?

They did not know what was on the back of the letter, but they knew they needed to get it from Olaf's hands...


	11. Short hurricane fog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I had trouble writing this chapter, hence why it is pretty short.

"I hope you listened." Olaf said, "Because this letter confirms that Captain Sham will be your new guardian."  
"No!" Sunny protested.  
"Oh, yes. Read it yourself."

Olaf tossed the letter over to the Baudelaires. They stared at him, and then stared at each other. They gave each other a "that was easy"-look, because they wanted this letter to examine the drawing on the back.

"Privacy?" Sunny asked. We don't need to translate what she said, because even Olaf could understand that word.  
"Now, I can understand that word." he said. "Alright, but don't take long."

As he walked out, the girls examined the drawing. It was a comic without words.

First, there was a stick figure throwing a statue out of a window and jumping out after it. Then, the stick figure dives into the ocean, and swims towards a bridge. Then, it takes a jetski from the bridge and goes to a cave. At the cave, the stick figure seems very happy.

"Code?" Sunny asked. She meant "Is this aunt Josephine trying to tell us something?"  
"Cave." Suzy suggested, which in this case meant "Maybe she's hiding in that cave on the picture!"

Sunny and Sally looked outside the window and squinted as far as they could. In a far distance, they could see something that could resemble a cave.

"Nemo." Sally said, which meant "I can't swim. What do we do?"

No one could answer that, because suddenly there was a huge _crack!_

The furnite started to slide towards the window. The house started to collapse.

"What did you do?" Olaf growled, running into the room.   
"Feral." Suzy explained, which meant "Obviously we are evil witches who will destroy this house."  
"It's a fucking hurricane." Olaf muttered, "Josephine built a house at the edge of a cliff and didn't hurricane proof it."

The girls didn't know what a hurricane was, but they knew they wanted to get out of the house.

"Come to me." Olaf ordered. "We gotta get out."  
"Fuck no." Sunny said. It meant "Why would we get out with you?"  
"You stupid babies. The house is gonna break! You have no choice!"

As he said that, the whole room _crack_ ed and the three Baudelaires rolled towards the window. As their feet touched it, the window started to slowly break.

"You will die if you don't come with me!" Olaf screamed. The triplets just stared at him. Their faces had turned very serious. It looked like they had no soul.

Sunny carefully crawled towards the big crack in the window, where their aunt had jumped out of. She took Suzy and Sallys hands. And so, all three of them fell backwards out of the house.

Most people would assume you wouldn't survive from that height, but those people didn't know how deep the lachrymose lake was. It was deep enough for three very small humans to land in.

Pieces of the house had fallen into the water. Sunny, Suzy and Sally managed to grab onto a piece that floated around. They had made it down alive.

"Paddle!" Suzy said, which meant "We need to sail away from here!"

She gestured at the house who was piece by piece being broken down and falling down towards them. So, with their three little baby arms they paddled as much as they could. It was easy for a while, because the wind was on their side. But then Sally saw somehing in the sky.

"Lookout!" she screamed.

Her sisters turned around and to their fright, aunt Josephine's whole house was collapsing and started to fall after them. They were going to get crushed!

"Move!" Sunny screamed, and in desperation paddled as much as she could.

As she said that, the whole library smashed into the water. Though, it _just_ missed them, and causes a huge wave that made the girls get a large head start into the large lake.

Taking a boat across a large lake in the middle of a hurricane is not easy, and it is much harder when you are three little babies with no experience. Especially if the boat is just a small peace of wood from a broken house. They didn't have any oars either and just had to paddle with their bare hands.

"Infect." Sunny said, which meant "I wonder how we don't get sick by being outside in this weather with the completely wrong clothes."  
"Purple!" Sally exclaimed. In the distance, she noticed a light. It came from the lavender lighthouse. Sally didn't know it was called "lavender lighthouse" but she did know a light in the distance is something you like to move further towards.  
"Chaos!" Suzy replied, which was her way of saying "I can't control this!"

Suzy was right, too. She couldn't control anything. They just sailed wherever the storm took them. But you probably know by now that most hurricanes and storms end, at last. This particular hurricane ended, sooner than the three young Baudelaires thought, and soon enough, the water became pretty wind-free.

Just as the triplets just floated loosly, they realised the storm had made them reach their destination. It was a big cave.

"Wedidit!" Sunny cheered.  
"Busted." Sally said, which meant "I hope aunt Josephine is here, because we need to confront her."

They made their way inside the cave and managed to crawl onto the land. They were soaked from the journey and right now just wanted a warm blanket.

"Aunti!" Sunny called.  
"Jo!" Suzy yelled.  
"Josie!" Sally screamed.

No one was responding.

"Ugh." Suzy said, which in this case meant "If she isn't here i'll kill someone."

Sunny crawled up to a large rock, because she saw something moving. It was still pretty dark both outside and inside the cave, so she wasn't sure what she saw. But she could feel something made out of rubber, and set her teeth in it.

Suddenly, a scream echoed through the cave.

"AAAAHH!" a woman's voice screamed, "She is biting me! She is biting me this very moment and it hurts for me!"

There was only one person the triplets knew who had to be that specific when she said a sentence.

"Josephine!" they cheered.


	12. Leeches should not be in a fanfic

"I missed you girls so much!" Josephine exclaimed. "You solved it! I knew you would solve it!"  
"Please." Suzy said, which meant "We need to talk about what the fuck you did when you left us all alone."  
"I should've never left you alone." Josephine admitted. She didn't understand Suzy, but she was decent enough to know the girls were mad about her leaving them.  
"Word." Sally noted.

Josephine sighed. "He forced me. Count Olaf forced me to write a suicide note and jump out of the window. Of course, I was smart enough to draw a picture, since I know you three haven't learned to read, even if I have given you grammar lessons."  
"Goback." Sunny said.  
"What? We can't go back! Olaf might kill us if he finds out I did not kill myself!"  
"Goback." Sunny repeated.

She had noticed a small boat that Josephine must've taken to the cave and gestured towards it. She refused to sail on a wet peace of wood all the way back.

Josephine sighed.

"Well... I don't have any food here anyway. Okay, let's sail back."  
"Yay!" Suzy cheered.

A while later, they were off on the large lake.

"Everyone must think you're dead." Josephine said, "Everyone must think _i'm_ dead!"  
"Yep." Suzy shrugged. She most likely meant "Obviously."  
"Correction." Sunny said, which meant "Olaf is the one who must think we're dead. No one else saw us except him."

Her sisters nodded, and Josephine just frowned.

"You know." she said, "I have never understood you, but I am sure you said something very wise, Suzette."  
"Peesh." Suzy said, which meant "Stop calling me Suzette."  
"Yes, I agree."

Suzy knew her aunt didn't know what she agreed on, but she smiled anyway.

They had sailed for maybe 15 minutes, when Josephine suddenly started to shake.  
"Oh... no..." she shuttered, "Uh oh..."  
"Stop." Sally said, She meant "You sound like a toddler trying to make it to the potty. What's wrong?"  
"Don't get scared now." Josephine said, "But we are entering the lachrymose leeches territory."

The triplets didn't get scared because they didn't really know what leeches were.

"Girls..." Josephine said slowly, "My husband Ike died here... I am very nervous to pass this territory."  
"Hakuna Matata." Sunny shrugged, which meant "If we were in the water we could be scared, but I don't think they would attack a boat."

As she said that, they saw a swarm of bubbles coming towards them in a racing speed. Sunny smiled awkwardly.

"Uh oh..." she said nervously.

As the swarm approached closer to them, Josephine let out a large scream, as she realised this was the lachrymose leeches.

_Crack!_

The Baudelaires jumped to the other side of the boat, as the place they sat on just got attacked by aggressive leeches.

"Gah!" Josephine screamed, "My Ike! My poor Ike! Poor me! Poor you!"

The Baudelaire girls were scared too, but they realised they had to think very fast to do something about the sitation.

"Triplets!" Sally screamed, which could mean different things, but this time it meant "Let's sit on each others shoulders to get seen better! Maybe someone is out here who can help us!"

Suzy nodded. Since she was the tallest of them, she knew it would be the best if she was the one on the bottom. Sally crawled onto her and sat on her sisters shoulders. Then, Sunny, who was not the youngest of them, but the shortest one, crawled onto Sallys shoulders. Of course, if atleast one of them could walk, they would look taller. Though, it's not smart to stand up in a boat anyway. When the three of them had formed a tower of sitting on top of each other, they started to yell.

"Hepp!" Sally screamed. This was how she said "help!".  
"That is not grammatically correct, Salome!" Josephine yelled, "But I can let is pass because we are in a dangerous situation!"

The triplets rolled their eyes and continued to scream for help.

Suddenly, they saw a boat coming towards them in the dim light.

"A human!" Josephine exclaimed, "There is another human! I'm not alone anymore?"  
"Eh?" Suzy said, which meant "So we don't count as humans?"  
"Ahoy!" the voice in the boat called, "Does someone need help?"  
The Baudelaires felt like they had heard that voice before, but they didn't know where.  
"Yes!" Josephine yelled, "We are over here! Leeches are attacking our boat!"  
"They can't attack my boat!" the voice said, "I'm coming!"

Sunny crawled down from Sally, who in turn crawled down from Suzy. The Baudelaire triplets were happy to have help.  
That is until they saw who was coming to help them.

"My, my, my..." Olaf said, "I thought you were dead. It was only my gut telling me to look for you after the hurricane stopped."  
"Oh, no!" Josephine shuttered.  
"Though, your dear aunt was supposed to be dead... and now look at her. She betrayed me."  
"Yes, I did!" Josephine yelled, "But please, now you need to help us! All of us can die if we get into the water!"

Olaf stared at her.

"Please." Josephine said.  
"No!" Sunny said.  
"Serious." Sally said. She meant "So you'd rather die than get rescued by someone you hate?"

Sunny nodded.

"I can rescue you." Olaf said, "If you give the girls."  
"Okay!" Josephine said and hesitantly picked up Suzy and threw her across the water. 

Olaf perfectly captured her. Suzy looked very shocked to what just happened and just stared into oblivion. As Olaf put her down, Josephine threw over Sally.

"Sui!" Sunny said, which meant "Let me die!"  
"Don't worry, I haven't forgot about you." Josephine said, "No child is going to get forgotten!"

And so, she picked Sunny up and threw her over.

"Now, get your boat closer!" Josephine begged, "So I can climb over."

But Olaf just smirked. As Josephine step forward, he grabbed her closer to him.

"I'm sorry. But I can't let a traitor live."  
And so, he pushed her back, just as the boat crashed. The leeches attacked her quickly.  
"Auntie!" Sunny cried.  
"Jo!" Suzy and Sally cried.  
"Stop crying, orphans." Olaf groaned.

It was a sad way back. The girls wanted to bite Olaf. They wanted to push him into the water. They wanted to jump into the water themselves. But for some reason, they didn't. It was like they knew it wasn't going to be worth it.

Finally, they reached the damocles dock. The triplets tried to quickly get off the boat. Olaf, who still was disguised as captain Sham, had some trouble getting out, which meant the children could get out before him.

"Quickly!" Sunny said, which probably meant "If we crawl away faster, we might escape Olaf."  
"Hey, orphans!" Olaf yelled, "Come back here!"

There were several people standing on the dock who the triplets did not recogonize, but those people seemed to recogonize them.

"Hey!" one of them said, "Is that Count Olaf?"  
"I am not Count Olaf!" Olaf protested, "I am Captain Sham!"  
"Olaf." Suzy said.  
"I'm sorry." another one said, "But these kids say you're Count Olaf. And they run from you."  
"I'm not-"

Before Olaf could finish his sentence, his fake pegleg broke in half so everyone could see his naked foot underneath.  
The Baudelaires decided to continue crawling away, before Olaf could catch up with them. They noticed a truck nearby...

"I'm calling the police!" said a person.  
"I'm going to block Olaf's way!" said another.  
"I'm going to check on the children! Where are the children?"

Everyone in the crowd were busy busting Count Olaf that they didn't notice that Sunny, Suzy and Sally had climbed with their teeth up the back of a truck... which just so happened to drive away...


	13. Strange adults

"Hey, there! You're not wood!"

The Baudelaire girls woke up, looking confused around. They had crawled onto the back of a truck, and must've fallen asleep.

"Yes, you three!" a man in a green unifrom said. "You're hitchhikers! Get off the truck!"

"Pardon." Sunny said. She meant "We apologise for escaping a terrible man to get to a safer place."

"Your pardon is accepted." the man said, "But get out of the truck. A lumber mill is not for toddlers."

"Alright sir!" Sally said.

They crawled out of the truck, waved at the man and made their way out.

"Runaway?" Sally asked, which meant "Where are we going next?"

"Somewhere." Suzy shrugged, which this time meant "I don't know what a lumbermill is, but it's not for us. So we gotta go somewhere else."

"Circus!" Sunny suggested.

Her sisters shrugged. A circus would be promising, but they didn't know if that would be all fun and games.

"Orphanage!" Suzy suggested. She knew little of orphanages, but had an idea. Sometimes orphanages could be pretty sad and gloomy, but it didn't matter because there were often other orphans there who could be your friends and make it less sad and gloomy.

The girls made their way to the entrance when suddenly, they were stopped by a voice.

"Hello, there!" the voice called, "Are you three lost?"

They turned around and saw a tall, skinny man who smiled at them. It was a friendly smile. He was friendly.

"Sowwie." Sally mumbled, which meant "We are innocent babies who just intruded here. We will leave."

"You have nothing to be sowwie for!" the man exclaimed. "My, you're so young! And because you ended up out here I will guess you don't really have any guardian, since a guardian would keep an eye on you. Which means... I can be your guardian."

The Baudelaire sisters exchanged strange looks.

"If not you're already someones kids." the man added.

"Orphans." Suzy said.

"Orphans! Oh, how wonderful- I mean, not wonderful because it's not really fun being an orphan, but it's wonderful because I can take you in and give you a loving home!"

A loving home. That would be something.

"Grouptalk." Sunny said, which meant "Girls, what do you say?"

"Alrighto!" Suzy exclaimed. She meant something like "We have nowhere else to go, and he has a friendly moustache just like uncle Monty had!"

So, the triplets turned around and nodded happily to the man.

"Oh, that's great!" the man said, "Come on! You should meet my partner!"

The girls were on their way to crawl, but then the man picked Suzy and Sally up.

"Climb up my back." he said to Sunny, and bent down for her to climb up. Sunny did as he said.

It was strange. The triplets hadn't felt this happy to be carried for a very long time. They felt... oddly safe with this man.  
That was until he opened the door to his partner's office.

"Here we are!" the man announced. The whole office was covered in smoke, which made the girls cough.

"Why are there coughing gremlins in my office?" the man causing the smoke asked. "Charles, have you started a hobby again?"

"No, this is three innocent babies I found outside." the man, who the girls understood was named Charles, said.

"And why were there three innocent babies outside, Charles?"

"I don't know! I found them there. They are orphans, so I thought we could take them in!"

The smoking man stood up.

"Take them in to work, you mean?"

"No, sir! I mean to take them in and give them a loving home."

"Charles, we're partners, right?"

"Of course, Sir."

"I think three children would be a gold mine for business, Charles..."

Sir walked up closely to Charles, almost as if he was going to kiss him or something.

"You would do anything for me, right Charles?"

"Maybe not in front of the kids, Sir." Charles said nervously.

Sir smoked in his face.

"Drop the kids on the floor."

The Baudelaires felt nervous about the fact of being dropped on the floor. Especially Sally, who had trauma with an adult dropping her violently. But Charles bent down and easily let them down on the floor very smoothly. Maybe they had nothing to worry about.  
Sir looked down on the triplets.

"You three." he said, "Shall report to the lumbermill dormitory immediately."

"Sir!" Charles exclaimed, "You can't be serious!"

"I am not serious. My name is Sir. Actually it isn't, but everyone calls me that, which you should know as my partner, Charles!"

"Of course! I just mean, you can't be serious about three babies living in a dormitory with all the dust!"

"I am not serious about three babies living in a dormitory with all the dust! I am _Sir_!"

The Baudelaires saw the pathetic adults talk back and fourth.

"Mistake?" Suzy asked. She meant "Shall we just get out of here?"

"Naw." Sally noted. She meant "But Charles is so nice to us!"

"Wan." Sunny added, which meant "But Sir should eat my underwear, because he's mean!"

"Baby." Suzy said, which in this case probably meant "You don't wear underwear, you wear diapers."

"Samething!" Sunny protested.

Noticing the lumbermill adults still seemed to talk, the girls decided to crawl out of there. Charles was nice, but they had to admit it was never really trustworthy of someone to just adopt you on the spot without you atleast having a chance to get to know them a bit before. Maybe joining the circus wouldn't be so bad...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems like The miserable mill is going quite differently... ;)


	14. Babies being babies

The three young Baudelaires just crawled out of the lumbermill when they noticed a strange house. The windows were shaped like an eye, just like on Count Olaf's ankle.

"Investi?" Sally asked, which meant "Should we check it out?"  
"Nosur." Suzy said. That probably meant "I agree that it looks interesting, but I have a feeling that we shouldn't."

Sally nodded, and the three girls continued to crawl on their way. Though, they could not help but notice that someone was watching them. Thinking it most likely could be a bird passing by, they shrugged it off.

Then, all of a sudden, they saw a big yellow van. It was a picture of a refrigirator on it. Refrigirator meant food.

"Yum." Sunny said, which meant "There's probably a whole chicken in there!"  
"Hitchhike?" Suzy asked. Her sisters nodded. Although, it was harder to hitchhike on this veichle, because the last one was a truck where you could climb up on the back and this was a van with a locked backdoor.

Suddenly, there was a wham! that made the whole van shake.  
"Holy shit!" whispered Sally. She slowly lowered her head to look under the van.  
"Feet." she pointed out, and her sisters looked under the van, too.

They noticed three peoples feet, with meant it was six feet in total. Four of the feet, which belonged to two people, was punching the body of the other two feet against the van. Suddenly, a full grown man fell to the ground.

"Darling, you did great!" a female voice said.  
"We're partners. We both did great." a male voice responded.

The Baudelaires noticed that the back door had opened slightly, due the the male and female making the car shake before. The three little rascals shared a nod and slowly opened the door to climb inside. Just right as they closed the back door again, the man and woman sat down in the front seats.

"How will you explain to the children that you hurt your leg?" the woman asked.  
"I'm telling them I was dancing." the man replied.  
"They will believe that, they've seen you dance."

The Baudelaires were disappointed to see that there was no food in the van. Only boxes of random items, which were large enough for them to hide behind. They were curious to where these adults would take them as they drove the van, not knowing there were three babies in the back.

  
After just half an hour, the two adults stopped the van and stepped outside. The girls waited for a few minutes, scared that they would see them if they opened the door. But no one came, so Sunny suggested they would crawl out.  
The first thing they saw as they got out of the van was a huge mansion.

"Awesome!" Sally exclaimed.  
Before she could say anything more though, they all heard the voices of children. Children who sounded much older than the Baudelaires.

"Mother! Father!"  
"How was your work trip?"  
"How did you hurt your leg?"

"Family." Suzy said, which meant "It must be nice to have a family."  
"Sisters!" Sally said. This meant "Hey, we are still a family without our parents!"  
"Food." Suzy complained. She meant "I'm hungry."

Sunny glanced at a window inside the house. She noticed that there was something inside. Perhaps a fridge? A real fridge with food?  
"Violet." she said, which now meant "Can someone hold up my hair from my face? I need to think properly!"

Suzy nodded and grapped her sisters small piece of hair on her head to to hold it up in the air. From an outside perspective, this would've looked very peculiar, but this worked for Sunny. She was thinking about how to obtain the food in the fridge inside the house without getting caught.

"Animals!" she suggested. This was baby talk for "We will disguise ourselves as animals and beg them for food!"  
"How?" Sally asked.

Sunny pointed at a tree near them. This particular tree had a small house on it, with a ladder going up. The treehouse was surrounded by a bunch of toys, who looked to be wet, buried or completely broken. That being said, no one had played with these toys for years. There was also a small, yellow box beneath the tree. On the cover of the box was a picture of a child around five, wearing a dog suit complete with a dog mask.

"Goodidea!" Sally exclaimed. The three sisters helped each other to open the box, and out fell a dog costume that was too large for their size. Of course, the dog suit was probably too small for its original owner now, and that's why he had left it in the treehouse, where it probably fell down once and no one cared to pick it up again. But the Baudelaires were much younger than five years old, which was the age that the suit was intented for. However, that meant they all could fit inside it. Also, since they couldn't walk, it would be easier to make it look like a real dog.

Sunny was in the front, wearing the dog mask which was too large for her. Sally was in the middle and Suzy was in the back. As the dog suit included a hoodie where the ears sat, Sunny could easily hide behind the mask without her head being seen. As the sisters had gotten themselves into the suit, they decided it was time to attract attention.

"Woof!" Sunny barked. "Woof! Woof!"  
Sally and Suzy almost started to giggle at this. They were in an age where imitating animals was the peak of comedy.

  
Sunny's barking worked. Soon enough, three people got out of the house.

"Mom!" a preteen boy said. "There's a dog in our backyard!"  
"Give it some food." a woman's voice said from inside the house. "The dog is probably as hungry as we were when we got home."  
"That is a weird-looking dog." a preteen girl pointed out. "Duncan, it looks like that dog-suit you wore for halloween when we were five."  
"You're right! Heh!"  
"I'll get some sausages!"  
"Woof!" Sunny barked again.

Soon enough, one of the preteen boys came out with a plate of three sausages. He placed it carefully under Sunny. Hm... how could she eat this without them knowing the dog actually was three humans.  
Slowly, she bent her head down as much as she could, until she thought the preteens couldn't see the mask properly. Quickly, she picked up the three sausages and sent them backwards to Sally and Suzy. She put the last sausage in her mouth, barked one last time and then turned around to walk out of there.  
Though, three babies in a suit is pretty hard to walk in, so it must've looked very suspicious from the outside. But they managed.  
They didn't even notice the three preteens laughing at them, and one of them whispering: "It's nice that someone enjoys that old dog costume."

  
As soon as they got out of the dog suit, they sat down to finish eating their food.

"Itchy." Suzy said, which meant "I think I need a change. What do we do, we are all alone in the woods!"  
"Neighbours." Sunny suggested. That was her way of saying "Most people live close to other people! Maybe the ones giving us sausages live close to someone who has diapers and other baby supplies in their home!"

Since the girls got nothing to lose, and also because they couldn't stay in filthy diapers forever, they decided to crawl to see if they could find any neighbour.  
There were large hedges between every house the triplets passed. Or, the houses were actually mansions, since they were so big. They almost felt nostalgic, as themselves once lived in a mansion before the fire. 

After crawling for a while, they became very tired. They suddenly noticed a house close to the mansions. It was much smaller and had a generally smaller yard too. What the Baudelaires really noticed were that in front of the house, a bunch of children, children their own age, played around.

"Equals!" Sally cheered. She meant "Finally, someone who can understand every word of us and can help us!"

They hurried over to hopefully get some advice from the toddlers who were walking and crawling around. There was a white fence that blocked them from coming inside, but they could still communicate with the children there.

"Hey!" Sunny whispered. She managed to get a little boy's attention. He wore blue overalls and a white shirt under. So, he looked like a normal toddler. He slowly took some unstable steps towards the sisters.

"Learnin." he mumbled. This meant "Sorry, I just learned how to walk, so i'm not very good at it."  
"Bettuh!" Sally shrieked, which meant "We still only crawl, so you're further than us."

The boy smiled as she said this.

"Tour." Suzy explained, which meant "We were wondering what kind of place this is, and if they have any baby-related stuff."

The boy proceeded to talk to them in a lot of shrieks, so it's best to translate all of his baby talk at once:  
"This is a daycare for the smallest children, like us. The workers here are pretty dumb, if I say so myself, so if you need to get in here for a diaper change or something, just get in and they think you're enrolled here. It has happened many times that babies come and get inside here, and then at the end of the day they disappear or escape the daycare as soon as they got what they wanted. Just as long as you get away while many kids are present, because they'll notice your disappearence faster if there are few of us left. Right now we're having an afternoon recess before they take us in and let us play indoors."

"And you?" Sunny asked.  
"Enrolled." the boy shrugged, which meant "My parents drop me off here and then pick me up at the end of the day. I often help non-enrolled babies to get in and out, though."  
"Getin?" Suzy asked, which meant "How do we get in?"  
"Bite." the boy responded.

The Baudelaire girls smirked. Biting was their favorite thing in the world, so this was going to be awesome. Without hesitation they managed to bite a hole in the fence, which they easily could climb thorugh.

  
"Alright, children!" some adult said. "Time to go inside."  
"Just watch now." the boy said.

He gestured for the Baudelaires to follow him. He slowly toddled inside with the other small children, and the Baudelaires just crawled behind. No one commented a thing. They blended in just fine.

As they entered a playroom inside, three or four adults walked around and were checking the babies or something. Suddenly, three of them picked up one Baudelaire each and carried them to another room to put them down on changing tables.  
Before they could really react, they had gotten their diapers changed and got put back into the playroom.

"Busy." Sunny commented, which meant "Wow, they really got their hands full." 

Her siblings nodded.   
"Getout?" Suzy asked, which meant "So, we're clean and we ate before. Shall we go?"  
"Blocks!" Sally shrieked. She was about to agree with Suzy, but she noticed a full tower of blocks someone had built. She had to crush the tower. She couldn't resist it.  
"Toys!" Sunny shrieked. She meant "Of course we can go, but why not stay here for a while to play?"

  
The Baudelaires thought of just staying a few minutes, but they ended up spending pretty long in the playroom. Who could blame them? They had been chased by an evil Count for a while now and they really earned to have some fun and feel like normal children for a while.  
But, as the sun had gone down, the boy waddled up to them.

"Besttime." he informed, which meant "I suggest you'll leave now, while the adults aren't paying attention."  
"Thanks." the Baudelaires said in unison. They waved at him, and crawled out in the hallway.

Getting outside was very easy. Like, it was so anti-climactic. The ones who worked here really did not pay attention. They only really wanted to talk to each other, and only really paid any attention when they were giving the kids some food, letting them in and out of the building or changing them. And when they did it, they did it as fast as they could so they could go back on chatting. So, for the Baudelaires to leave, they just opened the door and went out.

  
"Wherenow?" Sunny asked.

Suddenly, a very fancy car passed by. It stopped right in front of them to wait for a green light.  
"Hopon?" Sally said, which meant "We have already hitchhiked twice today, shall we do it a third time?"  
"Hellyeah!" her sisters responded. And so, for the third time, they climbed onto a car without the driver knowing.

And it wouldn't even be the last time in their lives...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of part 1 left! Part 1 was short asf, but since part 2 will have the more interesting books, it'll hopefully be much longer!  
> Hopefully the last chapter of part 1 comes out tomorrow or the day after, depending on how not lazy I am.


	15. Fire and early cameos

The car stopped outside a place the Baudelaires had been in before. It was the house where they just earlier today had dressed up as a dog to get food. Right now, the driver in the car, who looked to have an incredibly fancy outfit, was staring at the window. Almost as if they were waiting for something...

"Wrong." Sally said, which meant "I don't have a good feeling about this."  
"Spy?" Suzy suggested, which this time meant "The driver seem to be very concentrated on that window."

She pointed at a window where you could see the family inside, reading books and laughing with each other. The Baudelaires decided it would be better if they got out of the car, since the driver gave them weird vibes.

They crawled into the bushes. From there, they could get a closer look at this family who seemed so perfect. Right now, the children were dancing with their mother around the room while their father clapped his hands. Sunny, Suzy and Sally smiled. If their parents were alive, then perhaps they would've danced with their daughters as they got older. Thinking about what might've been, the Baudelaire triplets closed their eyes and fell asleep with the happy thoughts of their parents.

Suddenly, the Baudelaires woke up by a car engine getting started.

"Smoke?" Sally asked. This could mean "Do you smell smoke?" or "Do you see the smoke?", but it didn't matter which of them she meant. All three of the girls could both smell and see the smoke.

It came from the house, where the nice family who fed them sausages lived. They must've gone to bed, because all the windows seemed to be dark. It was only the flames from the library who had any light at all...  
Suzy glanced at the road and realised the car who got them there was gone. It must've been the driver who woke them up when they drove away...

"Warn!" Sunny said, which meant "What if the family don't know that there's a fire?"  
"Rerun." Suzy said, which meant "We do not want them to experience the same thing our parents did. Or we did."  
"Communic?" Sally asked. She meant "How can we warn them? We have to get their attention!"

Sunny noticed the dog-suit they had worn before. Then she said:  
"Animals!"

This could only mean one thing. The three young Baudelaires would attract the people in the house by making various sounds of animals. Perfect plan.  
They crawled closer to the house, and started to make various animal sounds.

"Woof!" Sunny barked.  
"Meow!" Suzy meowed.  
"Argah!" Sunny shrieked.

Her sisters looked at her.  
"Que?" Sunny asked, which meant "What kind of animal was that?"  
"Giraffe?" Sally replied.  
"Woods." Suzy said, which meant "Giraffes don't live here, dingus."  
"Pretend!" Sally protested. She meant "If I want giraffes to live here then they do! In my world!"  
"Forreals." Suzy shrugged, which meant "But no one will believe that's how a giraffe sounds like, anyway."

Just as she said that, a window on the second floor opened and two people stuck out their heads.

"What's that noise?" the first one asked. "It sounds like a giraffe is out there."  
"Duncan, why the fuck would there be a giraffe out there?" the other one asked.

Sunny's eyes widened, as she heard a word she never heard before.

"Fuck." she mumbled. She wondered what that could mean. Whatever it meant, it was a very nice word, and she wanted to use it sometime again.

Suzy took the chance to warn the people inside.  
"Fire!" she screamed, "Fire! Fire!"  
"There's a fire?" one of the people asked.   
"I do smell smoke."  
"But what if they're just pranking us?"  
"Isn't it good to be safe, atleast?"  
"So you're suggesting we go out?"  
"Yes! Let's climb out the window!"

The Baudelaires glanced at the silhouettes, who started to slowly climb out the window. After reaching the first floor window, they jumped to the ground.

"Oh, fuck." the first one exclaimed. "Duncan, look. Our whole library is burning."  
"And the rest of our family is in there!" the boy named Duncan added.  
"Fuck!" Sunny shouted, happy to use that word again.

Her shouting made the two people they got out of the house to notice them. The Baudelaires could see that this was the two out of the three preteens they met earlier that day, when they dressed up as a dog.

  
"Why is there three babies at our house?" Duncan asked.  
"Shut up, Duncan. They warned us about the fire, didn't they?"  
"Yeah... hey, babies. Thank you."   
"R'welcome!" the three babies said together.  
"Isadora, I hope the babies giraffe-screams was heard by our parents." Duncan said worringly.  
"And Quigley." the girl named Isadora added. "If not, then we'll scream at them."

The two preteens gave each other a look, and then screamed "fire!" at the top of their lungs.

Seeing these two siblings teamwork to scream at their family to get out made the Baudelaire sisters smile a bit.

"Family." Suzy said. Sally and Sunny hugged her.

  
All of a sudden, while Duncan and Isadora screamed, a familiar sound echoed through the parking lot. It was the sound of a siren, often associated with a fire truck.

"Safety." Sunny said, which meant "Hopefully they put out the fire quickly."  
"Kids!" a fireman said and approached Isadora and Duncan. "Is anyone still inside the house?"  
"Yes! Duncan said, "Our parents and our brother."  
"And the babies? Are they your siblings?"  
"No." Isadora admitted. "We have never seen them before-"  
"They're mine."

Everyone turned around to see a woman walking towards them. She did not look like a firewoman.

"Who are you?" the fireman asked.  
"I am a volunteer." the woman explained, "I volunteer to help put out fires, and now there was a fire nearby. I was driving home when I saw it, and my girls got out of the car because they are babies and fire makes them curious."  
"I see." the fireman said. "I won't scold you for letting your kids wander off, i'm sure it's hard keeping track of three babies at once. But be careful to not let them close to fire."  
"I know. Thank you."

Duncan and Isadora looked confused, since they thought a mother of three babies would be more cautious to not let them wander off for such a long time. The Baudelaires were even more confused and was very suspicious of this woman.

"May I ask," the fireman said, "What's the name of the girls?"

Without hesitating, the woman replied.  
"Their names are Sunny, Suzy and Sally."

She knew their names! Their preffered versions of their names, too! Every other adult who wasn't their parents or uncle Monty would call them Sunshine, Suzette and Salome. How did this stranger know their nicknames?

"Come on, girls." she said.  
"But!" Sunny protested.  
"Now, girls. The firepeople will take care of everything, don't worry."  
"No!" Sally yelled. 

The woman sighed. "Oh, you're all so cranky. Come on."

Without hesitation, she grabbed all three of them by the ankles. Don't ask how she managed to do that, but she did. Then, she carried them to her car and closed the door.

  
The Baudelaires rightfully started to scream and growl at her.

"I'm sorry, girls." the woman said, as she put on her own seatbelt. "I'm not going to hurt you. I want to help."  
"Jacquelyn?" Sally asked. By asking this, she really asked two questions. "Do you want to help us like Jacquelyn?" was the first. "Are you Jacquelyn in disguise?" was the second.  
"Jacquelyn is a good friend of mine." the woman explained. "She told me about you. I knew your parents a long time ago, too."  
"Olaf?" Suzy asked carefully. She mostly by this meant "Do you know anything about Olaf?"  
"Yes... I actually met him quite recently... or, it was some months ago, I think. He and I have a complicated history, and... well, I promised that was the last time I would see him. I'm actually here to give you a shelter, Baudelaires. I know that Olaf is trying to find you again, but he would never search my home. He... he respects me too much, believe it or not."

The Baudelaires did not believe it. They couldn't believe Olaf respected anyone at all.

"Don't worry about the Quagmires." the woman said. "I'm sure the firefighters help the rest of their family out."  
"Quagmires?" Sunny asked. She did not know their surname was Quagmire until now.  
"Yes, it's the Quagmire family, if that's what you asked."  
"Fuck!" Sunny exclaimed happily.  
"Now, who taught you that word? Oh, it must've been Isadora. She has always been the child who swore the most."

The Baudelaires just went quiet. Isadora and her brother Duncan did not seem to recogonize the woman, so how did she know them?

"You're probably wondering how I know them." the woman said, and the girls nodded. "Well, besides the fact that I also knew the Quagmire parents a long time ago, I and many others keep track of the children of our childhood friends..."  
"Spy?" Sally asked.  
"Yes... but it's a good spy. We do it so we can get to know them more. We can't really talk to our old friends directly, so we have to use other methods to talk to them and their families."

The Baudelaires looked suspiciously at this woman. Suddenly, Suzy remembered something from a long time ago. She was only a month or so, and lied in her crib while her parents talked. The name Quagmire came up, and her father had said:  
"Huh. I got a note saying that apparently one of the Quagmire children seem to have homosexual tendencies."  
"God." her mother had groaned, "Can't they just leave those kids alone? If they take those kinds of notes on the Quagmire children, then just imagine what they'll write about our children!"  
"Darling, we won't let them even have a chance of spying on our girls."

Well, their parents probably failed with that. How else would this woman know their nicknames?

"Strangers." Sunny suddenly shrieked. She meant "Hey, dear lady. What's your name?"  
"You're asking what my name is?" the woman asked.

The triplets nodded. The woman smiled.

"Of course you have the right to know, now when I decided to take you in."

Then she went silent for a while. She quickly drove past some cars and into a more secluded area, where there was no one besides her and the Baudelaires.

"My name is Kit Snicket." she said and smiled at them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was the end of part 1 of this AU!! Thank you to everyone who has read this far.  
> I'm looking forward to read your screams about Kit and VFD :-)


End file.
